Wawaweewaa crustifarians, ATD here giving you the FULL dilli-o yo on Lupos Heartbreak Hotel. The sound was tioght, the jams were shick, and the crowd was funky fresh. I guess I should start this effin review awf with a quick heads up to all the heads who want to hear me talk in detail about my drug use. I have been sober for 4 months. No deemz, no booze, no shards, no brews, no ganj, no crack, boom, ice, pow, or anything else. okay fine, i relapsed on jenkem but that was over 7 weeks ago. Why give up the tour lyfe that has given me sho much joy? I guess its this wonderful woman I have...Diana. Shes my little tokahontas and since I have found this love I guess I just have no desire to get banged up at shows. Sorry.
We get into the venue with no problem. Will call was easy. Pat down was nice. We get in on time for the Biscuits. We secure a spot on the right side.The show started out with an excellent I-man, real top notch stuff. Barber was sitting and had a new guitar. It looked custom and I have to say this guitar might be what he is looking for. Semi hollow, fast, and crisp. I-man first jam was a dance party. Second jam was a dark ass rock groove. Me and Diana got down. Next we got the new tune Vacation. Meh. Too generic sounding for me. Really don't like this one. After the this piss break song we got a SOLID crickets. cool bluesy intro jam, high energy barber first jam, second jam gets funky as fuck and goes into 42 real nicely. 42 was a dance party str8 up. Diana had to pee during the jam and when the set ended I realized she was gone for quite a while. When the lights went on I went over to the bathrooms looking all around. I look all around, waiting for a couple minutes and then I see out the front of the venue a cop car with the sirens going off. I look a second or two longer and then I see her cuffed against the car.
Editors Note: At this point of the review you need to click on the link below and then continue reading.
I run out to the street waving my hands. She sees me coming and shakes her head and screams, "NOOOOOO!!! DON'T COME OUT HERE!!!" Out of nowhere a cop takes me down to the ground and holds me, "You should have just kept raging the show brahmigo". Right then machine gun shots go off from a passing car. Diana just gets totally pelted all over with bulletspray. Her entire body just shakes and vibrates to the blasts of gunshots filling her entire body. Blood starts spraying out of every hole as she drops to her knees. Blood gushes to the street as she collapses to the ground. The car peels off and the cops jump in their cruisers and take off in pursuit. I get up and go to her side. I hold her up to me, running my hands through her golden blonde hair, and she looks at me with her watering, beautiful blue eyes. I burst out in tears, sobbing, and rocking her back and forth. Blood is literally running out of her body like a faucet. She has very little time to live. I want to ask her why she was arrested, who was in that car that shot her, and if reflection made the water blue but I didn't have the time. I just held her and told her it would be alright and that I loved her and would always love her. I wept and screamed "SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE!!!" Cars stopped as I lay in the street embracing the love of my life. Shes everything I ever wanted and now shes fading away in my hands. I remember when I first saw her in Manino's range rover and fell in love. I remember when we escaped the cops with all the Vap candy balloons and went and began our wonderful lyfe together. How could this happen?? WHY?? WHY GOD? WHAT DID I DO TO YOU???!!! ITS NOT FAIR! WHY?? YOU CAN'T HAVE HER! YOU HEAR ME YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU CAN'T HAVE HER! NOT LIKE THIS, NOT EVER!" I look down at her. She touches my face. Again, about the blood, i mean, theres like fucking blood everywhere. I'm covered in blood, she looks like a V8 can that was punctured 80 times. I hear the sirens of an ambulance in the distance. She takes one last breath and leans in to me and says her last words in a whisper..."Rage my love, Rage like you have never raged before. Rage for me. They need you AbovetheDave. I had my time with you but now you must go back to them. now go, go and RAGE YOUR EFFIN SAC AWF...cough cough..." she starts spitting up blood and convulses hard. The lights go out of her eyes. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! The ambulance comes and puts her in the stretcher and takes her to the hospital. They told me I could go with her but I said "No. Second set is starting." I took the grey scarf off her neck and put it around mine. Time to turn sorrow into rage. I run inside as the boys take the stage.
Editors Note: Please stop the song now and click on the following link for the remainder of the review.
I bolt inside and run to the bar. I throw down my card and say JAGER BOMBS! I down 6 bombs and jump on the bar. I start cartwheeling on the bar to the stage, knocking drinks over and smashing glass. I jump off the bar and do a triple somersault and land right next to the headiest brahseph in the place. I hand him $70. "Give me EVERYTHING!!!" He saw that i was here to RAGE FACE and he didnt even consider bunking or custying me for a split second. In fact, he gave me a pouch. "This pouch is everything i got. It should do the trick". I dart over to the mens room. "I've NEVER seen someone with the RAGE in his eye like that spunion there" he said as I disappeared in the crowd. I hit the stall. I grab the noobiest noob on my way there and throw him in with me. He scared shitless, nervous I am going to beat his ass. I rip off his SCI shirt and lay him face down against the toliet. "NOW LAY THERE. I NEED A HARD SURFACE TO BLOW ALL THESE DRUGS YOU EFFIN NOOB AND IF YOU SO MUCH AS MOVE MY LINE OF K INTO MY LINE OF COKE I WILL SLIT YOUR GODAMN THROAT YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!" I lined up 50 rows of line. K, Meth, Yay, crushed pressies, molecule, and every fucking presciption you can think of. The last line was a line of salt. I puff some crack, puff some tasties, puff some deemz, rail 5 lines of everything under the sun, all of this noobs back...and then I square up and blast the line of salt, pick up a shot of tequila and down it and take a lime and squit it in my eye. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I pick the noob up smack him in the face and dunk his head in the toliet. THE RAGE IS ON!!! I fly (yes, FLY) to the center of the crowd and lay down the most completely mindblowing arsenal of dance moves that instaneously make every chick in the place cream their pants and every dude pop a boner. Even barber popped a boner and looked up at me and sheepishly grinned and gave me a thumbs up. There was smoke coming out of my ears as I raged the second set so hard that me thinks I heard the god Zeus chuckle from on high. The show ended. I went back to the Hilton and proceeded to bang out 16 chicks while boofing the rainbow into my sweet virgin ass, all this while showing up every Phish snob in the hotey with a more extensive and expansive knowledge of every show and tune ever played by the band until they kissed my feet and offered their wookettes and sammy smiths. I didnt sleep a minute. And i still haven't slept a minute since. theres no going back. I AM BRINGING THE RAGE TO CAMP!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
see you at camp everyone!
ATD
04/04/08 Lupos Heartbreak Hotel, Providence, RI
Set I: I-Man, Vacation, Crickets1> 42
Set II: Hope, Morph Dusseldorf2> Spaga, Resurrection> The City> Kamaole Sands
1 unfinished
2 dyslexic completion of 4/3 version
Commentary: This show was probably the drunkest I have been for a Biscuits show. I took my friends scarf and wore it all night and danced like a maniac (hence Diana's grey scarf). I didn't actually sleep that night in the hotel and came home and wrote this at like midnight the next night off of no sleep.
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