hEditors Note: Click on the link and being reading:
Camp Bisco. Its not just about the triple stacked Miatas or the all organic vegan quesidillas with 5 kinds of beans. Its not just about lighting glowsticks on fire and spraying the glow juice on everyone in a 15 foot radius with toxic chemicals. Its not just about setting up shop at 5 am next to a heavily populated tent area with 6 of your most K'ed out wooks (with stolen lawn chairs from said tents) and proceeding to perform a 4 hour banjo sing-a-long to the music of the Grateful Dead, keeping up everyone trying to sleep. Its not about peace and love brahs. Going into Camp i had one thing on my mind: Find out who killed my girl Diana, the love of my life, my sweet little wookette who was tragically taken in a freak gasoline fight accident...no wait, it was a drive by shooting. I would find her killer, and i would at very least custie his ass, at very most i would chop his dirty body into a million pieces and feed it to Barber as chili. I just hoped whoever it was, that he was dumb enough to come to Camp Bisco. The stage was set. I, along with Sunshine, Robbie the Bear, and their cute little bear cubs, Shelby and Lai, drove into the gate in my momz van strapped to the teeth with every weapon known to mang. We had AK-47s, magnums, 8mms, rifles, shotguns, grenades, supersoakers filled with L, machetes, land mines, boobie traps (our hands), and butter knives. When we got the van up to the bikers we were a tad nervous. They searched long and hard, we acted cool, looking at each other on occasion. They found the bags of weapons and started to open them. I quickly shouted "Whats THAT?". The biker looked up and he said, "where? what?".
"Nothing I guess, uhhh, just a ..uh..thought i saw a tigerrr...or"
"Boy you need to wait on the drugs til you get inside this here camp grounds."
He started opening up the big bag of weapons.
I was sweating my dreadlocked balls awf.
God forbid they don't let us in. Was this a terrible no good awful mistake? Should I have boofed the machette for back up? Oh god...it seemed like it took forever, time was moving sho slow, will i go to jail and have to have my crew sling cheesers on lot to get my bail???
"WHAT IN THE HEEELLLLLLLL?? Oh, you boys and girls can't take this inside. Hey Roy, put these somewhere safe for us to use if the Half Moon Gang tries to mess wit us again. Okay, looks like all else is fine here. You can get go on."
They took every weapon we had. but at least we were inside.
to the review...
Thursday we got in with no time to spare. Set up the camp, and then took a nice deep breath (hit) of air (jenkem). AHHH! CAMP BISCO! Robbie Bear gave myself and Sunshine Epic Wexelbaum (full name) a ten strip to suck on, the cubs only got 5 hits cause they are noobs to Camp and to lyfe. We went up and checked out the biscuits set and shit was straight SHARDS! 7-11 > Lai > 42 was prolly the highlight fer sure. We were all tripping face and puffing bowls while dipping prints and popping rolls and smoking butts while pounding brews and snorting yay while pumping fists. ya know, always take it easy on the first night of camp is my theory. Sunshine rolls up a blunt before Snoop and we all get down HARD. i met up wit my boi Pierre who is doing S-N-Double O-P D-O-Double G T-O-U-R and he said we were getting a real rager as far as Snoog Dizzle goes. Sunshine had to cover the cubs ears for most of it but she let them put their middle opposable digit in the air and say "Fuck The Pigs!" I also snuck em sips of Jack. love those cubs. As the show ended Snoop announced 311 was coming on I love me some old school rockage so I wanted to rage it but the bears were all for Pnuma so me and Pierre split wayz and hit the woods to find this "other stage" where 311 was gonna rip us the 45 minute inverted "All Mixed Up". We are just blindly treading through the woods looking for any sign of light. We finally came across an open area in the woods. We had to climb a small fence and then found ourselves facing a bus parked in the woods, it was HUGE tour bus. We walked up to the bus door and knocked. The door opened up and a cloud of smoke covered us and sucked us in.
atditors Note: click below and continue reading:
"Whats crack-a-lacking my niggas?"
Before we knew what happened we were face to phace with Big Snoop Dogg. AWWW SHIT!
He passes us the biggest blunt i've ever seen and says "follow me, follow me,follow me, follow me, but dont lose ya grip". Dude is wearing a purple mink coat and a top hat thats all fluffy and shit. hes got hoes EVERYWHERE in bikinis dancing on his crew and stripping in pools and shit! We are bouncing to the beat and puffin on some Kush, cruising around with snoop. We get back to his room where hes got a crazy ass circular bed, all decked out and plush. Snoop takes the blunt from us and is like "Now sit down cousins, since you happen to find this bus here, imma hook yall up with some of Snoop Doggs lady friends. Enjoy the shizzle my nizzles! BIATCH! Come get ya fuck on!" Snoop closes the door and these two HOT ass chicks come out of the closet and start rubbin up on me and Pierre! SNIZZAP! I ask the chick on me what her name was. She said Biatch. I said okay. These chicks were bumping and grinding and letting us rub up anywhere on shit. I looked over to Pierre and dude was straight up getting fed fried chicken while getting head. Snoop would pop his head in errery now and then and just scream BIIIATCH! and WHATS MY NAME? everyone would stop what they were doing and answer "SNOOP DOOGGGG!!!"
Right as I busted a hefty nut into Biatch, Snoop opened up the door, WHATS MY MOTHA FUCKING NAME BIATCH??? She turned around with a mouf full of seed and yelled "THNOOPT DAAGGTHHH" and spit my saclot into his face!
Reeeeeeerrrrrrr REEEEEEEEEEEE (record scratch)
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"AWW HELLS NO! Biatch! Imma kill you! Git yo ass up outta dis motha fucking bus biatch!" We all follow Snoop outside where he cocks back a 44 magnum. We all stand around in silence. "You know why they call me Mr. One Eight Seven you skank ass trick? Cause i'll pop a fucking cap in a bitch like it aint a godDAMN thang! Murder was the case Biatch". Snoop points the gun at Biatch and a shot goes out..but oh shit! it stuck the security guard next to me! The crew all panic and draw guns. i run under the bus and hide with pierre. A fucking shoot out starts going down, Snoop didnt fire at all it was someone in the woods aiming for...oh shit...me?? Snoop and his crew started blasting shots into the woods. After a minute of straight gunfire there is peace. A securrity guard comes back with a dead body. Its a fucking dirty wook. I check em out. Looks like lot trash. i see a GDF pin. "Hes family dudes. GDF. I got the fucking GDF after me! fuuuuck!"
"Well shit nigga we gots to get the fuck up on outta here. Yall take care of yourselves. Here, take this .44, blast dos motha fuckers cuz." Snoop hands me a loaded gold magnum. "When dat shit fires it smells like sticky icky ICKY OHHHHH WEEEEEE!". We slap five with Snoop and they take off in the bus. Pierre and I walk back to camp.
hEditors Note: Click here and finish reading:
We get back and find Robbie and Sunshine ending their night up. Sunshine made up some all organic coffee ice cream with chunks of Xanax and Valium. Shit is tasty. the cubs were passed out after that. We put our glowsticks away and say goodnight. I get to my tent and lay my gun under my pillow. Tomorrow I gots to be ready for battle, the GDF and E-Roc (Dianas ex-mang) want me dead, and i want them dead. Only one head will be the brahest, only one will be the headdog, only ONE will be left standing...the LAST OF THE BRAHICANS.
Part 2 of 3
The sun came up and my tent got shweaty. I stretched and walked outside. Camp Bisco was fully in session brahmigos. The dirt street of shakedown was getting busier. The kidz were out and about, scoring and selling, peeing and moaning, some were even taking SHOWERS. NOOB ALERT! I checked on my bearz and Sunshine and they were getting up too. I told Robbie the dilli-o yo and he was ready for war. He didn't actually know who The Grateful Dead were per say but I am pretty sure he hates their guts now. I went up to High Society Hill where the RVs in all their air conditioned glory were at. I hit up my MA girls Andrea and Julia who blow glass and make heady crystal wraps as well as grow sour dies cross breed purple kush, which they showed me the plants one time and i got a boner for five hours no joke. I had to masterbate to High Times just to squash the B son. The girlz do it all to get my homie Sneaky out of jail. They have saved $123...since fall tour 2002. Hold on Sneaky we coming!!! So me and my girlz kick it for a bit. We chat about lyfe, puff some deemz, see our afterlyfes, then rail lines of colombian white. Andrea says shes got mad kynds of pressies. She had G's Up Hoes Down (speedy), Clovers (dopey), Cadillacs (weak), and these ones called Elton John's. "I've never tried these ones. Here take a couple, tell me how they are." Just then my buddy Pierre strolls in. "Yo Brahsshole take this!" i said and toss him a roll. "Its an Elton John pressie." I pop mine and we head out to wander around.
Atditors Note: click here. this music takes a couple seconds to get going but read anyway.
The shit really started kickin in hard in about 23:46 minutes in. "Woah! I am FUCKED UP Pierre! Lets go and chill at the site". We go back and sit down and light a butt and crack a beer. "Man oh man its hot out!" I say and take off my shirt. Pierre was just kinda looking at me weird-like.
"Dude, you work out no homo?".
"I mean, yeah, sometimes, thanks for noticing no homo."
"I am gonna take my shirt off too no homo."
"You totally should no homo."
"Hey, wanna puff a bowl in my tent no homo?"
"Sure, i mean, it could get pretty hot in there no homo!"
I get to my tent and attempt to open it.
"Damn this zipper is hard to get down no homo."
"Here let me try it out no homo."
"Thanks, you are pretty strong no homo."
"Do you want me to stuff it no homo?"
"Stuff away no homo." I said.
Pierre packs the pipe and sparks it.
"This roll is really strong. Do you want a back rub no homo?"
"Um, sure, I guess. I am a little stressed no homo."
"Sure, stress can really tighten you up sometimes no homo."
"Yeah, ohhh that DOES feel good. You got some great hands there no homo."
"You can close your eyes if you want to no homo."
"I think i might just lay down and you can work it on top of me no homo."
"Hey, have you ever made love to a man no homo?"
"I..mean...i...have thought...uhh...about it before...but...DUDE!"
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"Dude! These fucking Elton John rolls are fucking geigh as shit! Lets get the fuck out of this tent!" We fly out of there and walk to our chairs and sit down. Robbie walks out, "Whats new noobz?" "Dude these rolls suck so bad, they make you geigh!" said Pierre. "Oh, Elton Johns? yeah I had one for Pnuma last night." "What did you think?" we asked. "I was geigh as hell, i got mad fucked up and wandered in the woods and woke up spooning some tard in a banana suit. I am pretty sure i fucked that little dude. Those pressies suck ballsacs dude." "Tell us about it. Lets boof som...uhhh lets SNORT something...ehem" I said. So we blasted some yay, snapped the fuck out of it and went to the YB set. We started throwing back mad beers and raging real close by Tom Hamilton (i think cause of the pressies). Show was shick, Sphongle was shuper shick, and biscuits were almost on. We went back to the site, met up with sunshine and the bearz. We dropped some L, ripped some deemz, boofed some k while swilling some jack, blasted some yack while basing some salv, roasted a bubs and toasted to Spun (dudes in rehab, YOU MY HOMIE SPUN! KEEP FIGHTING! ) time for the show.
The Daily Brahzette front page reads: BISCUITS FRIDAY MELTS FACES! Wawaweewa kidz! King of the World > Rock Candy > KOTW > Cyclone > Rock Candy > Tempest > Rock Candy was legendary shit. I don't think I have EVER listened that closely or intently to a musical passage brahs. I was deep in it tonight. Thieving Magpie ends the set. Barbers new guitars are the tig ol bitties fer sure. The future is here and the biscuits seem to be toighter then toigers. Second set is more shickness. I would even say it was the best set of the weekend. Glastonbury > Spacebird > Buddah > Confrontation > Air Song > Shelby (ending only) was prolly like the highlight of the weekend for this spunion. I was soundboard stylin' with a bottle of Jack and a various buffet of pharmaceutical drugs dissolving simultaneously in my belly. Faded. Encore: KITNO. WOW. Magner works so HARD during that fucking tune! Calm down little man!"
Atditors Note: click here and continue reading.
Show ends. I go back to the site. Robbie Bear and Sunshine are effin going nuts! "The cubs are gone! THEY ARE GONE ATD!" said sunshine. She runs to me and hugs me. "Listen hun, maybe the cubs are just raging a little VL Tone > Jam > Technobeam i.e. The New Deal girrrrrrl!" Robbie seemed worried, "Dude, they promised to meet here right after grabbing some Ali Babas dude! That was 30 minutes ago. I looked everywhere, i swear to god if this is some GDF shit I will kill every last one of them!!!" He lets out a roar. It was actually pretty sweet. Then he burped. Kinda killed the scariness a bit. Anyway, we run over to tND and while they seemed to be raging harder then ever we were making like mrswookiedave and searching for our kids. We looked everwhere. "SHELBY ROSE! LAI !!!" "Where are my babies??" shouted Sunshine. I was getting worried too. What if the GDF took my favorite cubs and ...god forbid...they take their lyves, like they took my girl. I remember it like it was yesterday. Her blue eyes looking up at me, lyfe escaping them more and more, her blonde hair...wrapped by a scarf...a scarf i brought to Camp. She was everything I ever wanted...for what? WHAT DO THEY WANT? They want revenge!? "E ROC YOU SON OF A BITCH! SHOW YOURSELF!!!"
Suddenly a path opened up to the right of the stage in the woods. A flashlight came on a face. It was E Roc, but he was surrounded by his entire lot fam. There was nothing i could do yet. He sent me a messenger with a note. This wook gave it to me and scurried back to the woods. I looked back up at E Roc. He and his goons disappeared into the woods. I opened the letter.
ATD -
Funny how lyfe works. You steal my girl and run my lot so I KILL YOUR GIRL and STEAL YOUR CUBS! If you ever want to see them again I ask for you to meet me tomorrow after the day set. I will be with my family, you can bring the bear and that spun tramp of yours. Consider this your last chance to get your cubs back. You will never get your girl back. She was beautiful. Maybe the most beautiful on lot. You think I didn't love her? I loved her more then a basis peak my friend. You will get what you deserve when you meet your death. Be at the Color Wars field at 6:30 PM. Um, we will be..uhhh...Purple. so yeah.
kys,
E Roc
Robbie runs over with sunshine. She is a wreck. "Guys, its a note from the GDF. They have the cubs." "WHERE ARE THEY?? I WILL KILL THOSE BASTARDS!" roared Robbie. "Theres like 80 of em brah, I couldn't do anything. The cubs are okay, for now. we need to meet them for a war...at the color war field after the day set. The cubs will be there. So he says. We get back to the site and blow Xanax and puff Haze. We all fall asleep in the same tent, my tent. I clenched Snoop Doggs .44 all night while looking at some phone pics of my girl. We had so many plans, we were gonna do Holidaze, and maybe we would have started a family like Sunshine and Robbie. But thats long gone now. Now its just seeking revenge.
Atditors Note: stop music now and finish reading
At like 6 am I see a shadow creeping to the tent. I point my gun to the door. it slowly opens up. "WHO THE FUCK IS THAT???"
"Its ME Pierre dude!"
"What do you want man?"
"I WISH I KNEW HOW TO QUIT YOU!!"
"Jesus dude, stop eating those Elton rolls and go to bed!"
ending of part 2 music (optional) click below
Part 3 of 3
Atditors Note: Click here and read on.
Well I didn't sleep too much and the heat got us up early on Saturday. The sky was blue, the birds flew overhead. The field was calm. The sounds of wooks snoring faintly in the background. The small packs of custies, bunked another night, look to reclaim some form of dignity and score a half decent pressie in the early morning hours. The noobs with their toothbrushes walked to the bathrooms, afraid to use a spicket like a true vet. I yawned and put my 44 in my shorts. I cooked us up some gruel and poured some grog while Sunshine was tending to our battle uniforms stitching us patchwork armor and sheaths for our daggers. "Hey Robbie my son, cmon wouldya laddy?" I called, "We's gots a real scorcher today and we must be ready for battle. Sharpen thy swords and make sure our men get a days ration of gruel. We mustn waste a minute. I'll scour the fields for lookout points and you protect the homeland. We fight fer Scotland ya hear? We fight for FREEDOM. We stand here as brahthers yes, and we may die today as brahthers, but in time, our war will be won, we must never lay our shields down, never my lad. This is a war that will be remembered for ages. And win or lose, we stand by our home. " Robbie just stood there looking at me.
"Are you done?" he said. "Good. Now listen, imma gonna go get some food, you want anything?" I replied, "Get me a slice dude thanks, and uh...sorry about that." "No problem man, we will kill these bitches."
The day went by slow. I was nervous, i mean me and a bear and a dready ass spuncess cant take all these dudes. We are as good as goners. Finally Pierre gets up. "Sorry about last night mang, fucking Elton Johns...i am TOTALLY straight! fer sure. positive. I love women. All day long. love titties. Swim in dat shit." "I know brah, you my boy fo lyfe, you down to beat some GDF ass?" I asked. "You know it! well...one thing...its kind of embarrassing though." "Whats up Pierre?" He looked down at the ground, "ummm...I don't want to..uhh..i just don't want to die ya know...a virgin." "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! ...oh shit you are serious...ehem...alright. ..you stay out of this fight alright? haha". I went and took a walk. I had an idea that just might give us the edge we needed...
stop the music and click on this change of scene music below:
So the biscuits were coming on soon and me and robbie and sunshine gathered at the top of the hill by the showers. They seemed mad nervous, so was I. "So listen phamily, we gots to get those cubs back and get revenge on this lot mob. they think they run shit and can ruin lyves but this is OUR scene and we say how it goes down! So i went and grabbed some shit while you guys were chillin. I think it may help." I opened up a small leather case. Inside, on top of Dianas grey scarf was every drug i could get my hands on. Molly, pressies, Deemz, sass, K, dope, coke, geltabs, paper, xanax, valium, percosets, oxycodone, oxycotin, meth, speed, salvia, HGH, nuggets, shrooms, opium, hash, mescalin, pressed keef, nitrous canisters, a bottle of jack, and a 30 rack. i mean everything. "HOLY SHIT! THIS IS THE MOST SHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN!!" said sunshine. "You're damn right girl. And we are going to take ALL of it." As the biscuits played their set down at the field we missed the set to literally sit and start blowing, boofing, popping, shwigging, bumping, railing, swallowing, chewing, shooting, tooting, smoking, toking, poking, and dipping. "Wait wait wait! We need a noobs back!" "What??" "We NEED to do this all off a NOOBS back!" I shouted. "look THERE!" Before i knew it Robbie charged over to this noob in a tie dye SCI shirt and dragged him back to us as he screamed in horror. "NO NO NOT AGAIN!!!" he pleaded. "Oh shit! its the EXACT SAME NOOB FROM LUPO'S!!! PERFECT!" I took out Diana's scarf and once again, I tied it around my head. We all put our hands (paws) in and looked down at the ridiculous amount of drugz in front of us and at the same we screamed "RAAAAAAAGEEEEEEE!!!"
finale:
Atditors Note: Click here and continue reading.
We threw the noob on the ground and crushed every drug down to a powder. the K with H, the coke with the keef, the oxys with speed...just crushing it all on his back. the noob was writhing in pain as we chopped away at his back with 6 credit cards, slicing his skin. We combined them all together, rolled up six $20 bills (one for each nostril) and blasted the entire mound of drugs at once "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! THE BUUUURRNNNNNN!!!" We then pack Sunshines triple bubble bong with deemz,nugs, crack, smack, boom, ice, pow, meth, hash, and opium. We each ripped the bong until it was killed, taking the biggest hits our lungs could bare (bear?). Thats when the Jack and the 30 rack were busted open. We shotgunned beer after beer, then stomping them with our feet on this effin noobs sorry ass back. We were swilling Jack between every crack of the beer. We killed the Jack and smashed the bottle over nooberinos head, knocking him totally out. Then we did a BOOF TRAIN of molly, pressies, and k. I was boofing sunshines ass, she boofed robbiebears, and he boofed mine. "FEEEEEELSSS SOOOOOO GOOOOD!!! ARRRRRRRR!!!" For the final touch we each dumped LSD on each of our hands and started just SMACKING THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER!! BITCH SLAPS IN THE FACE ALL DAY MOTHER FUCKERRRR!!! FEEL THAT??? We ripped awf our effin shirts, jumped on the passed out noob, locked hands, and flew (yes flew AGAIN) down to the show. We land right in the center of the crowd right as Shelby was starting to peak. We start laying down the most intense choreographed mind-blowing dance arsenal routine that caused the ground to catch fire and form a pit of smoke, instantly creating the most powerful essence of RAGE so enticing that literally every dude in the audience popped the most massive boner and every chick came until she was dripping down the leg. Everyone let out a collective moan of sheer ecstacy and then raised their fists and started PUMPING! Barber started shredding like a maniac! Over the hill the GDF appeared ready for war. We turned to them, smoke coming out of our ears, red as shit in the face, bloodshot eyes of fury, higher then anyone ever could be. I pointed to E-roc and yelled, "TIME TO DIIIIIIEE MOTHER FUUUUCCCKKKERRR!!!". Everyone in the audience turned around (you guys remember this right?) and everyone charged the GDF, knocking every dirty ass wook down and beating their worthless faces into the color wars field. I flew into the air as high as i could, retrieved my golden .44 and pointed it down to E-Roc. "its time you chilled briefly with the DEVIL you CUSTIE BITCH!" I blasted shot after shot right at his head, right between the eyes. Dude went straight down. "Damn, this smoke DOES smell like some sticky icky icky!" I flew down and landed next to E-Erocs limp body. I ripped his pin off and chewed it to a tiny piece and spit it 80 feet, knocking it off the Color Wars basketball hoop backboard and sinking a shot. All the wooks were dead and bloody and destroyed. The band raged the Shelby ending to a close and all the good Camp Bisco kidz slapped fives and pumped fists in the air. Everyone was jumping around screaming. We killed the shadeballs and restored order to our scene. I met up with robbie and sunshine. They were each holding the cubs! SHELBY AND LAI! you are okay! Lai looked at me and said "Untzz Untzz Untzz". Robbies face lit up. "Her first words!! you hear that? haha!" We all laughed and went back to the camp.
Atditors Note: Stop the music and now click here
The sun set on Camp's last night. I watched the Biscuits from the soundboard for first set. I took a walk and missed second set. I went up to the hill and stooding looking up at the sky. The full moon was beautiful. All of a sudden I swear I saw Diana's face in the moon. She was smiling down at me. I took off her scarf and held it up high in the air. A gust of wind blew in and carried it out of my grasp and it flew up to the sky. I watched as it kept going higher. I knew it was going back to her. I stood there for hours looking back at the moon and puffed some hubbaz. This finally comes to a close. I can move on now.
This will be my last Camp Bisco. And it was by far the best one I have ever been to. I thank all my friends and all the wonderful people in this scene. This band is only getting better and tighter and I will be listening to them for the rest of my life. Thank you for everyone for reading and enjoying my reviews. I have had a great time making them these last 2 and a half years. See you all soon!
SIIHB,
AboveTheDave
07/17/08 Indian Lookout Country Club, Mariaville, NY
Camp Bisco 7
Set I: 7-111> Little Betty Boop2> 42, Caves of the East> Svenghali3> Trucker's Choice
1 unfinished
2 middle section only
3 ending only
07/18/08 Indian Lookout Country Club, Mariaville, NY
Camp Bisco 7
Set I: King Of The World> Rock Candy> King Of The World> Abraxas1> Rock Candy, Basis For A Day2> The Thieving Magpie
Set II: Meditation3, Papercut> Spacebirdmatingcall2> Tricycle> Confrontation> Air Song2 4> Helicopters2> Confrontation
Encore: Killing In The Name
1 inverted
2 unfinished
3 1st time played
4 with Ruu (Younger Brother) on vocals
07/19/08 Indian Lookout Country Club, Mariaville, NY
Camp Bisco 7
Set I: Astronaut, Voices Insane> And The Ladies Were The Rest Of The Night1> Voices Insane, Shelby Rose
Set II: Mindless Dribble> Chilled Briefly2> Mindless Dribble> Crickets3> I-Man
Set III: M.E.M.P.H.I.S.> Save The Robots1> M.E.M.P.H.I.S.> Basis For A Day4, Killing Eleven2, House Dog Party Favor> Phantom Pt. II5> Spacebirdmatingcall4
1 inverted
2 1st time played
3 middle section only
4 completes 7/18 version
5 1st time played (Justice)
Commentary: Shout outs to Pierre (Pete), Andrea, and Julia.
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