Do you remember your first show? I don't. Maybe it was the gram of molly, or maybe it was the spray bottle of L, maybe it was the shards, the caps, the stems, the crystal, or the deemster smoke. Maybe it was valium, the viks, the pressies, or the diesel. Whatever it was, I don't remember my first show. All i know is I haven't thrown down sho hard since then....... until Northampton. SHICKEST SHOW EVAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
alright brambassadors, time for my review of exactly note for note what went down at the calvin this past friday. Me and sunshine and Marley roll up to NoHo beaten down from the last few days. Our failed attempts to raise money to get Spun Rob out of jail had taken its toll on us. The only way i could bring myself to smile was when I would bump some 'cule. Spunion needed us to raise $5,000 to get outta jail. He was locked up by the effen pigs in Bunktown (Beantown). It was three days later and after slinging some molly, some sheets, some k, and some of my man-nectar, we were still short $2,500 (thats like ALOT of semen btw). I had nothing left to sling. We got to NoHo and hit up a gas station. I went to the clerk and was like "Dude, i am about two seconds from bad vibing this entire town. "gimme that $5 scratch ticket. And it better be a winner brah." I said. I scratched it and brahs, it was like Jerry was watching from up above and was letting his sunshine daydream shine on into my soulshine or whatever cause I effen WON $3000 BIG ONES!! I was sho effen pumped i bought a carton of smokes and a pack of connies to bang Sunshine wit but when i got outside to the van she was sho effen pumped she said "fuck the condoms, you can cum in my butt!" AWESOME! so after we got schweaty in the vizan, we got shwilly in the lot. we had $500 to blow (literally) and with minutes to the show was to go on I made sure i was looking totally unsketch for the extreme pat down by security. I couldn't afford to NOT get in to this show.
So after cutting out 5 lines, one of k, one of molly, one of coke, one of weed, and one of some H and ripped them all, then boofing a a pressie, and hitting our crack bong (glass to glass connection brah straight from germany!) i felt i would fit right in and security would never call me out. as me and sunshine waited in line i heard a standard Songs of Joy. meh. Not my song ya know. When we got past security I ran up to the front and they busted out a phattie SPY! love this tune! but i love getting beers MORE so i ran to the beer line and downed like effen 4 beers. i ran back to the stage and they busted into HELICOPTERS!!!! SHICKEST SONG EVAHHHHH!!!!!! it was the heat, and the heat was hot. I felt a burning in my pants, it could have been the fact that sunshine was a dirty wookette with a crack habit and a knack for taking it in her pooper and now she has infected me with her latest disease or it could be the fact that the HELICOPTERS WAS EFFEN RAGIN!!!! i haven't seen hennessey THIS good since....uhhh....well...he was shupa shicktastic dudes fer sure! After the FIYAH was put out and the unzz was brought, a nice MULBERRYS was the closer to an effen short set. i mean shit was like less than an hour and i was just starting to feel good. i sat up in the balcony and met some nice kidz. We talked about 99, we laughed about newbs, we talked about the scene, and we helped put pills in each others stinkholes. this bisco brotherhood is tight yo. i need the boys to bring the madness. I sat and took some key bumps of K while i called the effen coppers in boston. i was like "yo piggy, lemme speak to my boy spun. WHY? cause i need to tell him the effen set list! i would text dem shits but you confiscated his effen cellular and shit!" the coppers wouldnt help a dude out. fuck em. the lights went low. time to rage.
I ran to the soundboards when HOUSE DAWG started! this jam took me to the trance-like state only known to 99ers and angels. i mean i was flying high! the trance got sho deep i could feel it in my soul. sho deep and sho real. by the time CYCLONE ripped out of the roaring techno jam i was in tears. I was dancing so hard i think i punched a high school girl in the face and she knocked out. I helped her up and she sat down and was bitching me out so i gave her a $20 for being a dick. then i asked if she would buy us BOTH a beer and she spit in my face! fuck it! House Dawg was coming back around and it was tight! After the most raging bisco EVAH they calmed things down with a nice Gamma Goblins > Boom Shanker > Tempest. It was real chill and everyone was loving the dub. i puffed on a jibba with one of my new friends. he was a chill dude. He was all about boofing too so we were on the same level. dude was like 7 feet tall. we were just grooving like amy to the jamz when he said to me, "did i see you at camp? " i looked over and i realized it was ROBBIE THE BEAR!! we high fived and then right then like a sign from god we got SPRAYPAINT! and it was the KILLER SPRAYPAINT to end all SPRAYPAINTS! shickest version evah! me and robbie the bear were throwing it down. the high school bitch started complaining about her black eye or whatever and robbie just picked her up and ATE her dude! shit was nutsac! then we got a shelby which was nice. allen was slacking but then brought the heat at the end. i was sweating my balls awf and robbie was covered in bearsweat. we sat down and tried to call the encore. he said Spaga. I said Vassillios. we had no idea we would get the SICKEST ENCORE OF ALL TIME! MUNCHKIN AND RUN LIKE HELL!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME WITH YOUR ALMIGHTY EVER LOVING SHIT KICKING UNZZ??? it was too much. the show ended. me and robbie split ways, he went to the woods. i went to the hotey. me and sunshine met up, dropped some liquid and sat down to seriously discuss our finances. we had $5000 and we could get spun rob out of jail. we drove to boston the next morning. his parents already took him out of jail and put him in rehab. which meant one thing: WE HAD $5000!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! i was so excited i banged the hell out of sunshines ass sho hard she was crying. she then started violently throwing up on m'cack. i got bugged out so we both went over to Planned Parenthood on Commonwealth. Turns out she was preggers...with a bear. ROBBIES SON! to be continued....
see you at Hammerstein,
abovethedave
11/03/06 Calvin Theatre, Northampton, MA
with Shawn Hennessey on percussion
Set I: King of the World, Sweating Bullets, Spy, Helicopters, Mulberry's Dream
Set II: House Dog Party Favor> Cyclone> House Dog Party Favor, Boom Shanker, Spraypaint, Shelby Rose
Encore: Munchkin Invasion, Run Like Hell
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