The Hot Air Brahlloon
So the last couple shows I have been busy brahs. Real busy. Your boy has been working the lot the last couple shows with the fury, a heat only matched by the burning pain in my grundle (sunshine i love you baby). This is the story of a couple brahs, one wookette, and one evil custie. So here is my review of the Throwdown in Beantown as accurately as I can recall.
We find our brahtogonist just weeks ago sitting in his momz basement with Spun Rob. My boy Spun brought his brand new volcano vaporizer! SHICK! time to start blazing right? NO! Spun Rob rips a plastic baggie out of his ass (hes on probation) and was like "dude, lets zap some effin rolls!". I was like "Dude, lets drop some L on the rolls and then vap THAT!". We both agreed that was the responsible thing to do. Only thing is, we didn't have a plastic bag to fill the fumes wit. Thats when Marley the dog ran in with a bag of party balloons in his mouth. He dropped them down and barked "groundscore!" and we were in business. After each ripping a balloon we all sat back and closed our eyes...and let me say this kidz: we just created the BEST DRUG ON EARTH. we WERE in business. The twisted flat brimmers needed to experience this new form of high.
So for days on end me and spun rob make balloons of this vapped candy. We strolled the lots of fucking Warner, Wilkes-Barre, and Brahllingford, CT. The kidz are raving about are shick new concept. In Connecticut is when it got the attention of E-Roc (real name Eric Manino). Dude is king of the lot. He swings weight of everything for every show. If you got pressies on lot between 1998 and 2003, there was an 80% chance it came straight from E-Roc. Dude was a giant (hes only about 5'8"). And he approached me and spun. shit was nutsac. he was all like "meet me in my range rover pronto (no homo)". so we did. He got in the drivers seat, we got in the back, and in the passenger seat dudes, oh man, was the.hottest.biscochick.EVAHHHHHHHHHH!!! Chicklets' name is Diana and she was wooktastic. I mean you couldnt tell where the dreads on her head stopped and the ones from her snatch STARTED! she was a dreaded-out, blazing hot cutie, and frankly holmes, i think she was digging your mans steez. on the realz. She had these eyes with the most perfectly dilated pupils i have ever seen on someone rolling their tits awf! Basically E-Roc was telling me and spun that he runs the lot and he wants us to work for him. We were all like "brah, this is our idea. Vap your own rolls drenched in L and shit." He wasn't feeling that answer sho much. he told us that if we didnt work for him then he would NARCtastically rat us out. So we get out the car. E-Roc bolts like a dick. I open the door for miss thang. She puts her hand on my shoulder and steps down. Then she asks me for a balloon. We each suck one down and close our eyes...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
Next thing i know i am BALLS DEEP IN DIS BITCH!!! we are rocking this range rover sho effin hard! This chick was riding me sho hard that i could barely keep the coke on her titties to snort!! crazy right? anyways, E-Roc starts walking towards the car so me and her quickly get our clothes on and by the time he opens the door we are legit. "WTF? Get out of the car!" You could tell he was mad suspicious of us. So i get out and meet up with Spun Rob who is selling mad balloons. We fear the wrath that E-Roc might bring, and we were right to think that. Cause the next evening in Boston, shit hit the effin fan. We show up like a freakin circus selling balloons to the kidzz when we get grabbed by two security guards. E-Roc watches and laughs at what his NARCosistic actions have now done. As we are being dragged towards the front of the venue Spun Rob takes a pen and starts popping mad balloons. The fumes of the vap candy hit the faces of the guards and he escapes. I do not, and they throw me in a back room with security guards outside. They tell me the cops are gonna show up and handle this serious situation. I boof a pressie and do some key bumps. The show starts.
High noon - and how effin high they were! Biscofolk fill the center square right outside the Orpheum for show time. There is much commotion. Arab-driving taxis line the outer streets. Noobs are yelling their pitches(weight) into the crowd. Street wookies are miming and dancing in front of onlookers. The echoing sound of the street custies unzz can be heard ricocheting off of the buildings.
Your brah (ATD) sits alone in Securities back office reading over his PT picks wondering when they are gonna play Papercuts, blasting shards of the pure fiyah, and listening to the sea of people raging a shick Lunar Pursuit opener. I think about Diana, that range rover (with newly added cum stain), and I think about how these effin pigs are gonna show up and interrogate me just cause i am black...well not really "black" but i am rather "urban", my style is "fresh", my lingo is "hood", and i have like 3 black friends that call me "nigga"...so you do the math.
So Spun Rob gets in the show, gets up mad close and is raging. he is texting me that he is like 2nd row center and that he is right behind Diana! He asked if he could boof her which was very gentlemenly of him and i texted back "NBD, boof away brahmigo". What a great friend. I guess E-Roc was still in the lot with security apprehending all the vap candy balloons like a doucherag cockhandler that he is. I get another text from Spun: "Diana says she loves you". OHHH SHIT! to celebrate i drop a 5 strip, rock two thumbprints, puff some deemz, and then get pharmaceutical on dat azz wit a perc,vally,vic,oxy, and advil (for the comedown). I sit back in the chair and FREAK THE FUCK OUT! i am hearing all these voices outside and i hear sirens and I know I am going straight to jail and no amount of garlic grilled cheesers are gonna get MY bail.
Just then two staff members bust through the door and take me through some corridors backstage to be interrogated by the effin pigs. they sit me down and in come two cops holding what was like 25 balloons. fucking clowns. they shine a light in my face a la CK5 and i am so spun i start to shake. E-Roc is smiling and watching alongside the cops. I am fucked. I sit down as they start to berate me with questions. I get a text from Spun Rob, "outside smoking a butt, ripping balloons with Diana". Then i get the most ridiculous idea EVAH. I can hear the band playing sho close. and it sounds sho good. I look down at the table in front of me. and then BAM! I flip the table up at the cops knocking them down and take off through the hallways behind the stage. the staff and cops are all chasing me as i dash through the corridor following the sound. My only chance of escaping is to make for the stage and jump into the crowd. With a hoard of pigs on my heels, i get to the stage and dive into a full on crowd surf!
I start swimming through the sea, feeling the hands and heads of all my brothers and sisters of this crazy thing called bisco rubbing up on me. I am just hoping that Spun Rob will be waiting outside with the any of the vap candy balloons, the only ones remaining after the crackdown. As I get carried to the back of the orchestra seating I think about how the fuck I got to this position and how if I could just get a clean break, I will never swing weight on lot again.I get to the back of the crowd and bolt to the exit. I get out into the dark lot and run screaming "Spun Rob!!!". he hears my call and I meet him. He is with Diana. "Brahs, we gotta leave this place. worst. show. EVAH!. I give spun a hug. i say to him, "We had a great drug, we still do, but swinging it just got too hard. Lets just go back to simpler times dude." He was all like "Will I ever see you again?" and i was all like "dude..i will be at my momz in like 2 days. Meet me there...and get some crack btw." We hugged. I take Diana by the hand and we run around the corner to Spuns van. We open up the back and 100 balloons fly out all bunched up. We grab ahold of it and start to fly up in the air. Diana smiles at me, i can tell she is thankful to get away from this terrible lyfe. We fly off into the distance, never to be seen again...well except by momz, spun, sunshine, marley, robbie, and pretty much everyone but...whatever...we wont be on tour til NYE so...you get the point. anyways kidz, i wish i could tell you what was played last night at the Orpheum but I literally have no idea. Sunshine, Robbie, Shelby, and Lai (twin bears) were at the show but were balcony and werent raging sho hard and never texted a gringo. but know this and learn this from an experienced, UNJADED vet of the scene: you can swing on lot and make some dough, and you can rage hennessey side like a madman, but this scene will only last if we all have love for it. If you don't give a shit about anyone then no one will feel your steez and rep your crew. you can tilt your hat and keep your brim flat but if you aint here for the 2.0 and all that is the future of tDB get the fuck out of my effin scene and i dont need it effin corrupted bitches!
who's got my molly?
ATD
10/31/07 Orpheum Theatre, Boston, MA
Set I (minus "A Night On Bald Mountain," Down To The Bottom" and "Jamillia") and Set II (minus "A Night On Bald Mountain") was the 8th complete performance of "The Hot Air Balloon."
Set I: A Night On Bald Mountain1> Down To The Bottom, Jamillia, The Overture, Once The Fiddler Paid, The Very Moon> Voices Insane
Set II: Eulogy, Bazaar Escape> Mulberry's Dream, Above The Waves> A Night On Bald Mountain> Above The Waves, Hot Air Balloon
Encore: Toccata and Fugue in D Minor2, Therapy
1 1st time played (Modest Mussorgsky); from Walt Disney's "Fantasia"
2 1st time played (Bach); from Walt Disney's "Fantasia"
Commentary: The Hot Air Balloon was played this night and I just ran with it and made my own. I literally copied and pasted pieces from the actual opera at times and changed it as needed to stay with the flow of the original, while making sense in my story. here is a link to the reactions:
http://www.phantasytour.com/bisco/boards_thread.cgi?threadID=1444247&page=1
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