So overall it was like a 7/10. Definitely above average but still a bit left to be desired. Sounds were fantastic from my position but when i switched locations I found that the sound got drowned out but I was listening very intently to the whole night. Show opened with a solid "I Am Drunk and Don't Want To Go Home", though a bit predictable I was happy to hear it. Then came "Let's Go To Bed" which is one of my favorite Cure songs and it was perfect timing in the set. We get ready for the next step and get a nice "Back Massage" which without fail ALWAYS goes > "Take Off All My Clothes and Ravage My Eager Body". It started to get hot in the ATD Bednorth Arena (Boston) but we powered on. Jam out of TOAMCARMEB was hot and before I know it we are face to face..with a nice four on the floor (literally) jam that has me thinking we got to be getting a monster "Condom NOW!!!" and bam!! I quickly get down and put on my best moves to stay hard...core that is. Gotta rep my hometown show brah! So then we go to "Fuck Me Like You Want Me" which is always a great thing to hear. I prefer a "I Love Your Dick Inside Me" or a very rare "You Can't Hurt Me" but those are mostly reserved for the craziest of nights. set one ends with a "Are You Inside Me Because I Really Can't Feel Anything" which brings the show to a screeching halt and as the the lights come on there is quite alot of chatter from the crowd about the choice of song. After about 15 minutes the lights go down and its time to rage second set! It opens with a wonderful classic, "Only the Tip" which is a RAW song that takes alot of precision playing and great timing because there are so many tempo changes. Before we knew it though we were getting a "Fully Inside and Possibly Gonna Cum Too Quick So I Need to Start Thinking of Something Gross Like My Mom Naked Taking A Shit"!!! AMAZING!!! It was totally pulled off too! Like a pro! I held on tight as the place was rocking!! Things were flying around everywhere and we were screaming and yelling and panting and pumping away...our fists!! WOO HOOO!! Then we get a switch up stylistically, and slow it down with "Hop On Me Little Lady" and wow did the girl i was with dig that! she was really into it but i took a break and let her bounce to the rhythms. She really got off on that number so we were anticipating the next move. Fortunately for me it was a "Blowjob From A Drunk Girl" but wait!! no!! it was just a tease...damn...then it jumps right into "Finish Inside Me" which I always love but worry about sometimes because it always marks the end of the show. But I delve deep into it and we coast right to the climax of the jam and we are just convulsing to the song and I am about to explode...with excitement! The climax goes right into "Oh Shit I Just Busted A Nut In This Girl And Now She Could Get Preggers" which is a SCARY ass jam that really bugs you out but you just gotta hope you get a "Its Okay I Will Take Plan B in the Morning So Don't Worry" but I wasn't hearing those notes!! Fuck. Whats the encore gonna be??? We discuss some of the highlights and stuff. Then I hear something I haven't heard EVER!! FIRST TIME!!! the power ballad of them all!! "I Want You To Take A Dump On My Chest Because My Father Never Loved Me"!!! I mean, I have heard a "Please Give Me A Golden Shower" or "I Am Cool With Anal" but DAMN!!! THIS NIGHT ENDED WITH QUITE A SURPRISE!!! Things kinda got weird once the bombs were being dropped. I mean i love when they drop some BOMBS but this seemed dark and weird tonight.
All in all it was a solid show. I am really just glad we didn't get another "Umm Sorry That Was So Quick, Usually I Can Go For A Lot Longer I Swear". I mean,the chick i was with hears that tune ALL the time when we rage a show together so that was good. Coulda gone for a "Threesome With My Best Friend Who Happens To Also Be An Asian Model And Is Bisexual And Could Deep Throat An Umbrella" but who am i kidding?? Thats for dreamers! I am just happy to have gotten laid.
atdave
5/31/09 ATD Bednorth Arena
Set 1: I Am Drunk and Don't Want To Go Home, Let's Go To Bed, Back Massage > Take Off All My Clothes and Ravage My Eager Body > Condom NOW!!!, Fuck Me Like You Want Me > Are You Inside Me Because I Really Can't Feel Anything
Set 2: Only the Tip > Fully Inside and Possibly Gonna Cum Too Quick So I Need to Start Thinking of Something Gross Like My Mom Naked Taking A Shit, Hop On Me Little Lady* > Finish Inside Me > Oh Shit I Just Busted A Nut In This Girl And Now She Could Get Preggers
E: I Want You To Take A Dump On My Chest Because My Father Never Loved Me
Have you ever wondered what happens when you die? Have you ever brahntemplated teh lyfe and thought to yourself that maybe there is more out there? Something LRGer than lyfe? Ever bang two chicks at the same time in a hotey while in a bathtub full of molecule? I have done all of these. And I have seen things on boscos terr that could shake a moeron to his core. But what i saw outside the house of blues was something I never thought I would evaahhhh witness. Many cops and innocent people laid dead after the bloodbath that took place that night. And as I looked at the firey destruction before me I knew I had faced what could be my final battle. Who was this RAGEMASTER 5000? Man? Machine? A bit of both (Allen Aucion)??? I gathered my crew: Pierre, Julia, Andrea, Spun, his new chick Queen of the World, and my asian pear...Resrey. We huddled around the car and I said to them "Brahs, Brahmigas...this is MY fight. You shouldn't go to bridgeport. You should stay in hiding. This thing...whatever it is...is NOTHING to EFF with! It is looking for ME and I couldn't bear to..." Then a gigantic roar came from down the alley way. "AAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" A gigantic gust of wind and dust kicked up and a storm came towards us. Next thing i know I was picked up with a gigantic claw and was carried away, the dust cleared and i looked on what i was riding.."Did someone say bear?" as Robbie looked at me and smiled. He was flanked on either side by Lai and Shelby (who were full grown and effin huge now). "We are taking you to our cave and we will wait for Bridgeport my eternal brahhhhh!!!" And we rode til dawn, up into the mountains, to the cave. There I trained day and night. We smoked deemz, we smoked hubbaz, we rolled our goDAMN titties awf, and we harnessed all the power of the rage. We also learned karate...well braharate really. Its like karate but you use glowsticks instead of numchucks. Anyways...we hid in seclusion...until the day almost arrived...Bridgeport. lets get this review awf wit da shickness!!!
stop the music. now dance. now stop dancing. now continue reading...
It was the morning of the show. I jumped on Robbie the Bears back and we headed out. "I hear Bridgeport is BEAUTIFUL this time of year!" says Robbie. "Well how far is it? I mean...where are we anyway?" I asked. Robbie pulled out a map, "Wellll...macrocosmically speaking...our cave is in Vermont. So we will cut across Massachusetts and into Connecticut. I know the way." We roll up and down the hills until we come across a gorgeous valley somewhere in Mass. There was this amazing crystal blue lake and lucious plants and trees. "This is weird" said Robbie, "I dont remember evah seeing this." We walked down and decided to take a pinky dip in the water. "Its so nice and warm, can we go in dad?" asked Lai. "I dont see why not? lets do it!!" Robbie said. So we all jump in. I am swimming around and splashing water on the bears when i look down and notice something AB-SO-LUTE-LY nutsac! my tourmaline crystal wrap Diana gave me back in the dizzay were glowing like mad and my whole wrap was shaking. The intensity of the light was too much for this custie to handle and i took it off and threw it into the lake.
take off your pants. good. now start this music and continue reading
a whirlwind of water shot up into the sky and our jaws dropped to the seafloor. Then we swam back to shore as these shuper shick waves (a la 9/1/01) came crashing down. We ran up to ground and turned around and saw a robed man...with a pointy hat...it was...some kind of Wizard? He flew over to us and landed before us. "With whom requested the presence of..TEH WIZARD yo?" I looked at the bears. Jesus H. this was messed up! "I uhhh was the brah wearing the wrap dude." "Well delightful! Then you are my new owner! With what can I do for you? I have many magic powers! I can turn rocks into FROGS!! and frogs into ROCKS!" said the Wizard. "Can you turn that rock into Tom Hamilton (no homo)???" i asked. "Unfortunately no...I uhh..mostly can just do simple stuff...like...frogs and such." Teh Wizard said and looked down embarrassed, "FML". "Dude, dont sweat it! We are happy to have you join us. Can you fly us to bridgeport?" I asked. "Oh! Bridgeport! So beautiful this time of year! yes! yes sir! INDEED!" he exclaimed and next thing i know...yep...im flying...again...SHICK!
stop the music. don't look at me like that. now click on this continue reading
We get to the show and hit up lot. home shweet home. All of the training in the cave would now come into play. We all separated and scored everything we could get our hands (paws) on. Teh Wizard stayed close to me. We got shwilly in the lot on tasty brews and balloons. "This is indeed much fun sir!" he said. I could tell he was getting EFFED UP! SHICK! We all met up by a car and started popping, dropping, puffing, stuffing, huffing, snorting, snorkeling, pilfering, boofing, shooting, smoking, toking, soaking, railing, inhaling, blasting, pounding, licking, dipping and sipping. We also took some drugs. zing! The rage was DEEP within. I was prepared to face this robotic killing machine. Or so I thought. We get into the venue. lights go down. boys come on.
First set was str8 fiyah. Confrotation > Orch Theme > Confrotation > Buddah > Low > Commercial Amen > November Rain!!! AHHHH!! We raged Magside. Teh Wizard was shooo faded but was loving every second. "This is indeed the sickest show I have seen in quite some time kind sir! QUITE SOME TIME INDEED!!" Then he started making out with this chick. Then he turned her into a frog. Then he kissed the frog and she turned back to a wookette. Then he banged her in the womens room! SHICKLESTEIN!! Robbie and the bears were throwin it DOWN! just like ol times back at camp. I couldnt help but constantly look around for Ragemaster5000. I knew it was only a matter of time. Why me? What did I effin do to upset a LRG robot? I enjoyed the set as best I could. I yelled at Babar alot and threw my beers on peoples heads, and just RAGED MY FACE AWF!!! Then setbreak. WOO!!!
thats when it happened.
stop the previous music. just do it....ass. now start this music. and lets finish this shit.
The sky outside was RED. I lit a butt. then a laser beam shot from the sky and knocked it out of my mouth. "uh oh" i said. Everyone ran away. I stayed in front of the pillars at the Klein and looked up. Teh Wizard and bears were by my side. A brightly lit robot with nitrous tanks as legs, and covered head to toe in glowsticks, with LED lights as eyes crash landed in the street in front of us. "ABOVETHEDAVE!!! I COME TO YOU FOR ONE REASON. I AM HERE TO DESTROY YOU AND CLAIM THE SPOT AS THE TOP RAGER OF THE BISCUITS FOR ALL ETERNITY. I HAVE TRAINED FOR YEARS TO BE THE GREATEST THING THIS SCENE HAS EVER WITNESSED. MY TIME IS RAPIDLY APPROACHING! I AM SMARTER, QUICKER, AND I CAN SHRED SHOOO MUCH HARDER ON THE GUITAR THAN YOU!!! FEEL MY WRATH!!!" Then the robot shot up a whole bunch of cars and then busted into a ridonkulous dance routine that was far more complex and artistic than any performance i have evahh given at any biscuit show evah. This guy...er...thing...was GOOD. then it started shooting glowsticks out of its hands and had a ONE MAN GLOWSTICK WAR. It was literally shooting them miles into the sky and catching hundreds at a time at lightning speed. "I AM BEYOND ANYTHING YOU HAVE EVAH WITNESSED ATDAVE. MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST KYS!!! I called upon Teh Wizard. "Uh yes ssssssir!" (he was SHWILLED!) I looked him in the eyes and screamed "WIZARD! YOU MUST HELP ME! I CANT TAKE THIS ROBOT! WE WILL ALL DIE TODAY UNLESS...UNLESS YOU CAN DESTROY THAT ROBOTIC ARMOR! THEN WE CAN SEE WHO THIS PUNK BITCH IS! YOU CAN DO IT WIZARD I KNOW YOU CAN!!!" "Oh sir! with with..what..i dont know...i guess i could try." Wizard said. "YOU GOT THIS MANG! JUST WAVE THAT STAFF AND REMOVE THAT ROBOTS PARTS!!! I yelled. Teh Wizard stumbled up to the robot as it was just killing it on the dancefloor (street). Teh Wizard lifted his staff and waved it around and next thing ya know..the robot was paralyzed! Then his arm turned into a frog. Then his other arm! then his legs! It dropped to the floor. Then Its head turned to a frog! "WIZARD! STOP IT! I GOT IT FROM HERE!!" I screamed and we all rolled up to the robot. "Not so tough now huh? HAHAHA! AND FOR THE RECORD HOMEBOY! NOBODY CAN SHRED GUITAR LIKE ATD!!!" i said. Then a noise started coming from inside the robots body. It was something inside trying to get out. It was getting louder and louder. We all backed up and stayed clear. Then something busted out of the body and when the smoke cleared our jaws dropped and we saw...THIS.
"Now THAT be a WIZARD YO!!!" said Teh Wizard and we all picked our jaws up from the ground and then started laughing. "No need to destoy me bud. You officially rage the biscuits harder than I. We are all shuper humbled by your awesomeness brahmigo!!!" I said to him, "Whats your name little guy?" He looked up, pulled out a Flintstones multi-vitamin, boofed it, then said, "JARED...now lets go rage 2nd set."
And we did. The end.
ATD
04/19/09 The Klein Memorial Auditorium, Bridgeport, CT
Set I: Confrontation> Lunar Pursuit> Confrontation, M.E.M.P.H.I.S.> Tricycle> Liquid Handcuffs> We're Not Gonna Take It1
Set II: Jigsaw Earth> Reactor2> Jigsaw Earth, Uber Glue, Mr. Don3> Story Of The World3> I-Man
Part 2 of 3 (continued from The Calvin 1/17/09. this is now a THREE part story ending in Bridgeport!!)
Lyfe on the road is like lyfe on terr...cause...uhhh...you are on the road (minus teh boscos). Spun and I were criminals on the run looking to stay outta sight from the piglets. Truth was, only Spun was brahrrested, I was just along for the ride cause he was the best godamn wingmang I have evah seen. For weeks me and him would travel around until we were tired. Then we would roll up into some small town and hit up the local watering hole with one thing in my mind: Ketamine...no wait...shacking up wit some ladies...thats it. And without FAIL Spun pulled in tail (and one time he pulled in cack but he was SHOOO drunk and it was by accident and he went thru with it anyway cause he didnt want to hurt anyones pheelings)...ANYWAY..Spun and I would stay at which ever local chicks pad and get some copulating done, then a nice bed, a shower, and some breakfast before we hit the road again. Lyfe was shuper shick, it didn't even seem like we had anything to wurry about. Somewhere around Ohio we get a golden opportunity when Spun steals a Mercedes from this one chick (and also happened to steal her beer, jiz on her pillow, and shit on her bathroom floor!) We hightail it out of there and drive all day and decide to roll into the tiny town of Jasper, Missouri. Its a dumpy little town and only one bar is in the whole town, this place called Double Deuce. So we check it out...
click here for music
This place was so nutsac brahmigos!! Cowboys and rednecks EVERYWHERE boozin and being rowdy while a whole bunch of skanks cruised around offering sex to anyone! On stage is this blind guitar player shredding like 99 Babar behind a wire cage as beer bottles are thrown at him every 10 seconds! SHICK!!! We go to the bar and get a drink, brahseph next to me turns and says "Aint from around here huh BOY!" and spits in the beer just as I get it. I look him up and down, then to Spun. "I'll be RIGHT back. Do not, under ANY circumstances, go ANYWHERE...brah." I grab Spun and we hit the bathroom. Some dude is in there swingin drugs, turns out he is also an employee, and we say we want one of everything hes got. Hes got some yay, some pills, some K, some deemz, some mescalin, and some meth. "ALL OF IT, what? can you not hear or something??" Spun yells at the dude who blankly stares at us when he hears our request. "Uhh yeah yeah yeah, sure here". We hand him the cash. Then I notice something. "Hey man, is that a Widespread T shirt??" "Oh yeah theys my favorite band and..". Before he could even say 'Spreadhead' i punched him in the face, then broke both of his legs with a 2X4. Then knocked his ass out and rolled him over.
turn off music and click here
We dump all the dr00gs onto this tools back, crush them all up, and spell out "WSP SUCKS DICK YOU FAT FUCKING LOSER, KYS" with all the drugs and then slap high five and blast the entire thing. RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGEEEEEEEEE!!! I grab a loose beer bottle and kick open the Mens room door. Every single person in the place turns to me. I hurl the bottle towards the bar at lightning speed and nail that douchebag in the face knockin him out and shattering glass everywhere. "BAAAARRRRR FFIIIIIIGGGGHHHHHHTTTTT!!!" screams some random dude as he smashes a chair on some other random dude. Everyone just started fighting...so me and Spun joined in. I ran down to the dance floor and beat every dudes ass, and Spun hit the bar throwing out every person after he laid their chump asses to the FLO'!!! ARRRR!!! I grabbed a bat and knocked every mother fucker out minus the employees and the owner. Only men standing at the end were me and Spun. The owner came to us and thanked us. He said times were hard at the Double Deuce and yadda yadda...we ended up becoming the bouncers and fired like everyone, hired a bunch of new people...yadda yadda yadda...we find out the whole town is being scammed by this rich mean dude who runs the town and wants us dead...yadda yadda yadda...we kill every mother fucker who works for him and in the process I start banging this nurse chick with small titties who kinda looks like a dude with a blonde wig ...yadda yadda yadda...we save the town and kill the main dude and we are heroes...NOT A BIG DEAL...so we get the F outta Jasper, MO after that weeklong adventure cause we gots a show to hit...HOUSE OF BLUES in BOSTON BATCHESSS!!! to the review...
stop the music and click below
So we roll up to the Bean day of the show. We keep a low pro and hit up Lansdowne street for some much needed beers. We ditch the mercedes behind Fenway and get over to a local bar and start shwillin. Spun seems to know EVERYONE. See Spun went to college here and this was his favorite bar. there was this guy Norm, and Frasier, Cliff, and Woody...and this bitch Carla. Seemed like everyone was getting boozed for free too..at least we were! I got shoooo shwilled out I ran to bathroom to yack.
stop the music and click here
After a solid vomiting I was washing up when someone walked in and screamed "WHAT YOU DO IN HERE THIS WOMENS ROOM!!!" I turned mortified and then looked her over..."Resrey?? Is that you" i said. "AboveTheDave?!! It is you! I rong for your touch! Gimme your snake NOW!" I dragged her ass to the stall and dropped trou. Resrey hopped on and, scouts brahonor, it was the best sex I have evah had...in a bathroom. A womens room. We made sweet fucking love in there. "Your snake soo rong atd, feers so right on my critoris!!! AHHHHHHH" she belted out, "Damn you ATD, I think I rove you!!" "I love you too Resrey" I said...and i fucking meant it. I mean...she sucked my dick while i took a shit after we banged..i don't know anything about anything...but i think they call that love holmes. Spun comes in mid-blumpkin :::Record scratch:::
stop the music.
"dude...ohh...DUDE?! SHOW IS STARTING LETS GO!!!" me and Spun and Resrey run into the new House of Blues. I run into Pierre, Andrea, and Julia as set begins. We rage Brownie up front. Pierre begins the boof train and I take caboose (last mang). We all take two pressies to the ass. Then Pierre turns to me "Yo buddy, check this out!" and he proceededs to take a unopened PRB tallboy out of his hoodie, places it on the ground, pulls down his LRG jeans (custom) and SITS on the beer can, he then slowly rises back up, cracks open the beer (which is in his ass, dont ask) and bends face down and chugs the beer rectally til he KILLS it, and then sits down really fast crushing the can on the ground. "I call it BIFFING!...(no homo)" I stood there speechless...then ASTRONAUT begins!! TITTIESSSSS!!! Then CYCLONE! BAM! BASIS! BOOM! ABRAXAS! SLAM! I puff some deemz up close. Securrity was nada at this show. We raged wit da shickness. I busted out my organic trance dub-step by step full house family matters techno progressive breakbeat stereo mcs cece peniston haddaway dance moves that lit up the HOB and made Resrey bust her asian pear all over my leg. DING! Set ends with a tasty 42. worrrrrd.
Set Deuce: The heat. This place was jumping after Orchard Lounge. We went up the mezz and dropped some L, dipped some prints, and smoked some dies crossbreed northern afghan kush. Spun comes over to me, "Yo...so i met this chick...and...well...The Game aint working on her. Shes impossible to get with! I have met my match mang!" "Damn dude..what are you gonna do? Just get some otha ho" i said. "Oh no...no no no...shes my type, shes my style, but shes heard it all...im gonna have to approach this one differently. Shes my Queen. Shes the Queen of the World...thats her tour name." "Damn dude, sounds high maintenance...well good luck on that duder. I'll be here second set" He took off looking for his queen. I raged second set with my crew. Memphis > RLH > GANSTER > Basis left me in tears. It was incredible. then before encore some old dude in a suit comes with me with some security dudes. "Are you AboveTheDalton?" he asked. "ummm..its Dave and...yo listen..it wasnt me...it was Spun, dude fucking made me come with him..." i pleaded. "What? no..listen..I am the manager here at the House of Blues. We heard you and your friend Spun really cleaned up that Double Deuce place and well...we got a situation that our bouncers can't seem to solve. You should come outside and see this". Me and Resrey followed them down to the front.
click here
Outside was a total effin bloodbath. Cops dead. Security guards totally burned and on fire and scorched. The ones who were still alive were screaming bloody hell as they were escorted to the ambulances. All the cop cars were burnt to a crisp. It looked like a scene out of a movie. "What the FUCK happened out here brahs??" "There was this..machine..this ROBOT..it came out of the sky...and it..torched the entire street. It was just GIGANTIC!!!" said one of the cops. "but...Where is it now?" I asked. "I think its gone. It flew back up to the clouds. But...well...theres something you should see...you..you are AboveTheDave right?" he asked. "Yeah" i said. "Then you are the one who should take a look at this". We walked down the street and hit a cross street and in huge letters of FIRE in the middle of the street said:
KYS ABOVETHEDAVE
- RAGEMASTER 5000
I stood there more speechless then when Pierre biffed the beer can. What...WHO was this and WHY were they after ME? Was it the cops, did i not kill Manino and hes back from the dead? No..I put a bullet in his head. Cant be. This wasn't a man. this was ...a machine...this was...RAGEMASTER 5000??? WTF???
TO BE CONTINUED at The Klein in Bridgeport...
w00t, ATD
02/28/09 House of Blues, Boston, MA
Set I: Uber Glue, Astronaut> Cyclone> Basis For A Day1> Abraxas> Astronaut, Digital Buddha
Set II: Shelby Rose> The City> Shelby Rose, Above The Waves2> M.E.M.P.H.I.S.> Run Like Hell> Gangster> Basis For A Day1
Encore: Basis For A Day1> Aceetobee
1 completes 2/27 version 2 dyslexic completion of 2/27 version
Commentary: This one is for all the Roadhouse fans. I was watching it for 452nd time and thought it should get some love.
So the weather outside was frightful but the boscos were sho delightful brahmigos. Fer sho. NoHo brought the heat to this chilly mass (pound)town. And let me just say, i've been in the scene for almost 10 years, and what i love most about this special thing called "bisco" is that kidz get less sketchy every year!!! Sho much has occured in the last 6 months since Camp. I have put Diana behind me and moved on. Shit wasn't easy. I had to slay hos and drink booze on the regs just hide my pain. I was always out on the town trying to bang my way to emotional freedom. My game wasn't that toight though. I slayed a couple batches in the first few months, okay i banged one chick...okay fine..she gave me head...i mean hand..whatever. BUT THEN the best thing evaaaaaah happened! Spun Rob got outta rehab and was ready to POUNCE on some ladies son! He gave me a call and was all like "Dude, my mind is straight, i have no desire to do drugs. I just want to go Sir Lancelot on some batches. My game is hot right now. I hooked up with 16 girls in rehab in Miami! You need a wingmang? I am BACK!!" So me and Spun hit the bars and clubs and I have to say, Spun is a SLAYA! He could always convince chicas back to our place. He said he did alot of reading in rehab. He read some book called The Game by Neil Strauss. Whatever he read, dude was landing batches to his cack like a traffic controller. I would always just kinda tag along, offering hubbaz when needed to the ladies. Spun wasn't doing anything but an occasional drink or puff. I was happy for him. That is why I let him stay at my place and bang in my bed, cause we are boys. He was an excellent wingmang and hooked me up all the time with ladies. When NoHo was announced he was hesitant about going but I said its cool, he is sho under control. At least thats what I thought...Lets get this review awf wit da quickness sonnnnnn...
We rolled up to the Quality Zoo around 6 pm. We dropped off our shit. Spun Rob took a shower. I walked outside and followed the sounds of nitrous. I took a couple balloons, scored some molly, some yay, some uppers for supper ya know...I went back to the room and enjoyed myself some sort of buffet, a brahntinental breakfast if you will. Spun came out and saw me sniffin and boofin, rippin and tootin, lickin and stickin, siftin and hittin and his eyes grew LRG! "Yo...whatcha got there brah?" he asked. "Oh, uh ya know...pretty much everything under the sun...why? you dont want any do you?" "Maybe just a ..little...tiny...miniscule...GAGGERINO TO THE FACE!!!" he shouted. "RAAAAAAGE!!!" i screamed and cut out a massive line from one end of the table to the other. He killed the whole thing, hopped up, and yelled, "SLAP ME IN THE EFFIN FACE! DO IT!" So i wailed him in the face. Time to hit the show.
By the time we showed up to the Calvin I was rollin my effin titties awf. The will call line was so fun! And the pat down was really silly! I laughed so much when he was inspecting me! Silly man! Everyone was sooo friendly. Shit. This molecule sure was intense. I was like an effin noob. Spun was too though. Dude was sho rolled out he already had chewed through his back teeth and was spitting out fragments. Plus he was sho shweaty. He said his game was intact and he was planning on dominating the ladies tonight. Then he ran off. I think I just created a monster. I get bumped down to the dance floor area in the front by my good friends Julia and Andrea. "Yo brahmigas, whats new??" I asked. "Did you hear?? Sneaky Pete got out of jail! Julia robbed a bank in New Mexico in November and we got his bail!!!" said Andrea. "No fucking way??" I said, "Dude is the MANG! Where is he at that lovable sonofabitch?" Andrea looked down, "Well...long story but...Hes actually back in jail. Yeahhh...busted. Big time. Like pounds of coke was shipped to his address from Colombia. Some dude he met in jail had this whole elaborate plan to smuggle it to em or whatever. He was out of jail for like 5 days. Now his bail is $250,000." "Fuck I guess thats that then huh? Nothing you can do there!" i said. "Not necessarily," Andrea answered, "Julia is about to take off with an internet start up company and shes got some MAJOR investors. Julia's new company will make life simpler for programmers and small businesses alike with products such as Lotlook 3.0(project management software) and an increasingly popular open source web framework called Brahster480. The company ditches the philosophy of "more features, more better" in favor of simplicity and accessibility: Focus only on the most important features and make things easier to use. The company itself embodies its keep-it-simple philosophy: Fewer than 10 staffers, working from humble offices, create programs quickly and nimbly adapt them based on user feedback, by uploading the gigatron normalizer to your desktop, Julia's company can rotate the C drive source to Protocol X, blasting the hardcoding and restructuring the inter.." The lights went low. Thank GOD! SAVED BY THE BOSCOS. Phew!. Time to rage. For all you noobs, let me show you alittle concoction I made. I take out a vile of my pocket. Dump it into a cup of ice. I then add Tonic. Then a lime. Vile and Tonic. Sprinkle molly on top for extra fizz. Then down it. Spun Rob out of sight. Oh well. Commence Trancefusion.
Reading the setlist the next day I was FLOORED. Not what I got AT ALL. Probably due to a wee bit of the rage. So Ill sum it up this way. Here is the setlist YOU guys saw. Click on it and you will see what song I THOUGHT was playing.
So the show ends and I stumble out of the Calvin. Mind=blown. I had NO idea what I just saw. I was completely out of my head. I must be getting too old for this crowd. I lost everyone somewhere around the Air Supply cover. I walk back to the Quality Inn alone, stumbling over snow and keybumping my way back to normalcy. I get to the 2nd floor of the hotey and see a massive line. Shit! NITROUS!!! i get right in line. I cant even get to our room its so packed. And TONS of chicks taboot. AFTAH PARTAY!!! WOOOHOOO!! I try to lay the mack right. Got a couple numbers..well...ONE number...in the form of a middle finger to the face. COUNT IT! The line is moving sho slow! "How much nitrous can you batches consume yo??" A chick turns around and looks at me like i am crazy. "Nitrous? You here for some Nitrous? We all waiting to get wit a chance to party wit Rocko in 219 baby!" she said. "219? thats MY room! me and spun..hold on hold on!" I make my way to my room and plow through the door...and what i saw...was the shickest, most raging hotey I have EVAH seen! There were literally 30 chicks in my room in train formation, all butt nekkid, legs open, awaiting spuns less-than-average sized cack. A strobe light was pumping and heavy dirty trance was blaring from an ipod speaker. It was maybe drum-n-bass without the bass. either way, dude was hopping around the room, jumping on each chick, and doing them all, while simultaneously dumping molly and yay all over their bodies and sniffin the shit out of every orafice these chicks offered. Jesus mang. Spun looks up and sees me through the smoke and strobe. "ATD! FUCK MANG WHERE YOU BEEN?!! SHICK SHOW HUH??!" "well yeah, i mean..minus the michael bolton cove.wait.. dude? can i talk to you for a minute? in the bathroom?" "WHAT? ASS CREAM? NO LUBE BRO! FRESH OUT! Sucks!" "NO CAN WE TALK FOR A MINUTE DUDE!?" "Oh yeah SURE. Come to the BATHROOM!!" We get in there, dude is BEYOND gone. "How the hell did you pull this hotey scenario awf brah??" i asked. "To be honest, I just played the game on about 60-70 chicks at the show. Biscuit chicks are the SLUTTIEST!! Its seriously crazy. Are they lined up outside??" he asked. "Um, big time. All to DO you! that AWESOME!" I said. "Yeah dude, soooo you want in on this or what?" He had this crazy look in his eye. He had various colored powders all over his face. He was a complete mess. I looked him up and down and realized something. "dude maybe theres more to this lyfe then eating drugs and seeing the biscuits. Maybes theres more then losing your head and dancing all night..." He stepped back, "dude, what are you saying?" I put my hand on his shoulder, "I...just", all of a sudden the bathtub moved and the shower curtain flew open and two naked asian chicks were taking a bubble bath together in OUR hotey!!! We both looked at them and then each other. "Nevermind" I said. "I'll be in here if you need me." We hugged it out, then he left. I grabbed a handful of molly, dropped my pants and sprinkled the entire handful into the tub. The whole thing fizzled up and the ladies loved it! I jumped in and had my first asian threesome experience (without masterbating). After about 2 hours I hear the cops raid our place. I locked the bathroom. The threw everyone out and I heard Spun screaming and yelling. After the commotion I step outside. The place was a wreck. The effin pigs took all the droogz and the women and my boi Spun. "Damnit Spun, looks like you are going back to rehab...you effin noob." I told my asian flowers, Naomi and Resrey (i think thats what she said) I would see them again. the snow was dumping down, it was 6 am. Suddenly I hear a cop car siren going awf and this copper FLIES into the parking lot and crashes into a snow bank and is skidding everywhere!! HOLY FUCK! then I look and I see Spun driving it!! "BRAH! CMON CMON CMON!!! LETS GO! THEY ARE RIGHT ON MY TAIL!!! WE GOTTA HIT THE ROAD!!!" I grabbed my shit and flew down (not flew, fell actually this time) and hopped in the car. "Dude" I said, "This is INSANE!!!" "I worked this chick cop with some of the Game talk and she totally let me go and take this car!" he yelled and put the car in drive and flew out of there. "Damn, I gotta read this book huh?" I said. "Well lets get the F outta NOHO. We gotta go in hiding for a while buddy is that cool with you?" You my boy Robbie, and last night i made sweet love to two asian princesses at the same time in a bubble bath full of molecule, so yeah..i think i owe you one!!" With the cops on our back we hit the highway and narrowly escaped. We ditched the car and stole another (spun did) and we hit the woods and camped out. We would not be safe for long. We were convicts on the run...
to be continued at House of Blues in Boston
Obrahma, ATD
01/17/09 Calvin Theatre, Northampton, MA
Set I: Rivers, House Dog Party Favor> Crystal Ball1> House Dog Party Favor2> Above The Waves3
Set II: Killing In The Name> Crickets1> King Of The World4> Gangster> I-Man
Encore: Mr. Don
1 inverted 2 unfinished 3 ending only 4 middle section only
Commentary: Alot of my friends were discussing this book called "The Game" by Neil Strauss. Its this crazy story about professional pick up artists. Since Spun Rob was in rehab, and you do alot of reading there, I thought this book would be his guiding light to sobreity. This was a great show and we raged the Quality Inn that night and our hotel room did involve nitrous, a strobe light, and a ipod boombox.
hEditors Note: Click on the link and being reading:
Camp Bisco. Its not just about the triple stacked Miatas or the all organic vegan quesidillas with 5 kinds of beans. Its not just about lighting glowsticks on fire and spraying the glow juice on everyone in a 15 foot radius with toxic chemicals. Its not just about setting up shop at 5 am next to a heavily populated tent area with 6 of your most K'ed out wooks (with stolen lawn chairs from said tents) and proceeding to perform a 4 hour banjo sing-a-long to the music of the Grateful Dead, keeping up everyone trying to sleep. Its not about peace and love brahs. Going into Camp i had one thing on my mind: Find out who killed my girl Diana, the love of my life, my sweet little wookette who was tragically taken in a freak gasoline fight accident...no wait, it was a drive by shooting. I would find her killer, and i would at very least custie his ass, at very most i would chop his dirty body into a million pieces and feed it to Barber as chili. I just hoped whoever it was, that he was dumb enough to come to Camp Bisco. The stage was set. I, along with Sunshine, Robbie the Bear, and their cute little bear cubs, Shelby and Lai, drove into the gate in my momz van strapped to the teeth with every weapon known to mang. We had AK-47s, magnums, 8mms, rifles, shotguns, grenades, supersoakers filled with L, machetes, land mines, boobie traps (our hands), and butter knives. When we got the van up to the bikers we were a tad nervous. They searched long and hard, we acted cool, looking at each other on occasion. They found the bags of weapons and started to open them. I quickly shouted "Whats THAT?". The biker looked up and he said, "where? what?". "Nothing I guess, uhhh, just a ..uh..thought i saw a tigerrr...or" "Boy you need to wait on the drugs til you get inside this here camp grounds." He started opening up the big bag of weapons. I was sweating my dreadlocked balls awf. God forbid they don't let us in. Was this a terrible no good awful mistake? Should I have boofed the machette for back up? Oh god...it seemed like it took forever, time was moving sho slow, will i go to jail and have to have my crew sling cheesers on lot to get my bail??? "WHAT IN THE HEEELLLLLLLL?? Oh, you boys and girls can't take this inside. Hey Roy, put these somewhere safe for us to use if the Half Moon Gang tries to mess wit us again. Okay, looks like all else is fine here. You can get go on." They took every weapon we had. but at least we were inside. to the review...
Thursday we got in with no time to spare. Set up the camp, and then took a nice deep breath (hit) of air (jenkem). AHHH! CAMP BISCO! Robbie Bear gave myself and Sunshine Epic Wexelbaum (full name) a ten strip to suck on, the cubs only got 5 hits cause they are noobs to Camp and to lyfe. We went up and checked out the biscuits set and shit was straight SHARDS! 7-11 > Lai > 42 was prolly the highlight fer sure. We were all tripping face and puffing bowls while dipping prints and popping rolls and smoking butts while pounding brews and snorting yay while pumping fists. ya know, always take it easy on the first night of camp is my theory. Sunshine rolls up a blunt before Snoop and we all get down HARD. i met up wit my boi Pierre who is doing S-N-Double O-P D-O-Double G T-O-U-R and he said we were getting a real rager as far as Snoog Dizzle goes. Sunshine had to cover the cubs ears for most of it but she let them put their middle opposable digit in the air and say "Fuck The Pigs!" I also snuck em sips of Jack. love those cubs. As the show ended Snoop announced 311 was coming on I love me some old school rockage so I wanted to rage it but the bears were all for Pnuma so me and Pierre split wayz and hit the woods to find this "other stage" where 311 was gonna rip us the 45 minute inverted "All Mixed Up". We are just blindly treading through the woods looking for any sign of light. We finally came across an open area in the woods. We had to climb a small fence and then found ourselves facing a bus parked in the woods, it was HUGE tour bus. We walked up to the bus door and knocked. The door opened up and a cloud of smoke covered us and sucked us in.
atditors Note: click below and continue reading:
"Whats crack-a-lacking my niggas?" Before we knew what happened we were face to phace with Big Snoop Dogg. AWWW SHIT! He passes us the biggest blunt i've ever seen and says "follow me, follow me,follow me, follow me, but dont lose ya grip". Dude is wearing a purple mink coat and a top hat thats all fluffy and shit. hes got hoes EVERYWHERE in bikinis dancing on his crew and stripping in pools and shit! We are bouncing to the beat and puffin on some Kush, cruising around with snoop. We get back to his room where hes got a crazy ass circular bed, all decked out and plush. Snoop takes the blunt from us and is like "Now sit down cousins, since you happen to find this bus here, imma hook yall up with some of Snoop Doggs lady friends. Enjoy the shizzle my nizzles! BIATCH! Come get ya fuck on!" Snoop closes the door and these two HOT ass chicks come out of the closet and start rubbin up on me and Pierre! SNIZZAP! I ask the chick on me what her name was. She said Biatch. I said okay. These chicks were bumping and grinding and letting us rub up anywhere on shit. I looked over to Pierre and dude was straight up getting fed fried chicken while getting head. Snoop would pop his head in errery now and then and just scream BIIIATCH! and WHATS MY NAME? everyone would stop what they were doing and answer "SNOOP DOOGGGG!!!" Right as I busted a hefty nut into Biatch, Snoop opened up the door, WHATS MY MOTHA FUCKING NAME BIATCH??? She turned around with a mouf full of seed and yelled "THNOOPT DAAGGTHHH" and spit my saclot into his face!
Reeeeeeerrrrrrr REEEEEEEEEEEE (record scratch)
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"AWW HELLS NO! Biatch! Imma kill you! Git yo ass up outta dis motha fucking bus biatch!" We all follow Snoop outside where he cocks back a 44 magnum. We all stand around in silence. "You know why they call me Mr. One Eight Seven you skank ass trick? Cause i'll pop a fucking cap in a bitch like it aint a godDAMN thang! Murder was the case Biatch". Snoop points the gun at Biatch and a shot goes out..but oh shit! it stuck the security guard next to me! The crew all panic and draw guns. i run under the bus and hide with pierre. A fucking shoot out starts going down, Snoop didnt fire at all it was someone in the woods aiming for...oh shit...me?? Snoop and his crew started blasting shots into the woods. After a minute of straight gunfire there is peace. A securrity guard comes back with a dead body. Its a fucking dirty wook. I check em out. Looks like lot trash. i see a GDF pin. "Hes family dudes. GDF. I got the fucking GDF after me! fuuuuck!" "Well shit nigga we gots to get the fuck up on outta here. Yall take care of yourselves. Here, take this .44, blast dos motha fuckers cuz." Snoop hands me a loaded gold magnum. "When dat shit fires it smells like sticky icky ICKY OHHHHH WEEEEEE!". We slap five with Snoop and they take off in the bus. Pierre and I walk back to camp.
hEditors Note: Click here and finish reading:
We get back and find Robbie and Sunshine ending their night up. Sunshine made up some all organic coffee ice cream with chunks of Xanax and Valium. Shit is tasty. the cubs were passed out after that. We put our glowsticks away and say goodnight. I get to my tent and lay my gun under my pillow. Tomorrow I gots to be ready for battle, the GDF and E-Roc (Dianas ex-mang) want me dead, and i want them dead. Only one head will be the brahest, only one will be the headdog, only ONE will be left standing...the LAST OF THE BRAHICANS.
Part 2 of 3
The sun came up and my tent got shweaty. I stretched and walked outside. Camp Bisco was fully in session brahmigos. The dirt street of shakedown was getting busier. The kidz were out and about, scoring and selling, peeing and moaning, some were even taking SHOWERS. NOOB ALERT! I checked on my bearz and Sunshine and they were getting up too. I told Robbie the dilli-o yo and he was ready for war. He didn't actually know who The Grateful Dead were per say but I am pretty sure he hates their guts now. I went up to High Society Hill where the RVs in all their air conditioned glory were at. I hit up my MA girls Andrea and Julia who blow glass and make heady crystal wraps as well as grow sour dies cross breed purple kush, which they showed me the plants one time and i got a boner for five hours no joke. I had to masterbate to High Times just to squash the B son. The girlz do it all to get my homie Sneaky out of jail. They have saved $123...since fall tour 2002. Hold on Sneaky we coming!!! So me and my girlz kick it for a bit. We chat about lyfe, puff some deemz, see our afterlyfes, then rail lines of colombian white. Andrea says shes got mad kynds of pressies. She had G's Up Hoes Down (speedy), Clovers (dopey), Cadillacs (weak), and these ones called Elton John's. "I've never tried these ones. Here take a couple, tell me how they are." Just then my buddy Pierre strolls in. "Yo Brahsshole take this!" i said and toss him a roll. "Its an Elton John pressie." I pop mine and we head out to wander around.
Atditors Note: click here. this music takes a couple seconds to get going but read anyway.
The shit really started kickin in hard in about 23:46 minutes in. "Woah! I am FUCKED UP Pierre! Lets go and chill at the site". We go back and sit down and light a butt and crack a beer. "Man oh man its hot out!" I say and take off my shirt. Pierre was just kinda looking at me weird-like. "Dude, you work out no homo?". "I mean, yeah, sometimes, thanks for noticing no homo." "I am gonna take my shirt off too no homo." "You totally should no homo." "Hey, wanna puff a bowl in my tent no homo?" "Sure, i mean, it could get pretty hot in there no homo!" I get to my tent and attempt to open it. "Damn this zipper is hard to get down no homo." "Here let me try it out no homo." "Thanks, you are pretty strong no homo." "Do you want me to stuff it no homo?" "Stuff away no homo." I said. Pierre packs the pipe and sparks it. "This roll is really strong. Do you want a back rub no homo?" "Um, sure, I guess. I am a little stressed no homo." "Sure, stress can really tighten you up sometimes no homo." "Yeah, ohhh that DOES feel good. You got some great hands there no homo." "You can close your eyes if you want to no homo." "I think i might just lay down and you can work it on top of me no homo." "Hey, have you ever made love to a man no homo?" "I..mean...i...have thought...uhh...about it before...but...DUDE!"
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"Dude! These fucking Elton John rolls are fucking geigh as shit! Lets get the fuck out of this tent!" We fly out of there and walk to our chairs and sit down. Robbie walks out, "Whats new noobz?" "Dude these rolls suck so bad, they make you geigh!" said Pierre. "Oh, Elton Johns? yeah I had one for Pnuma last night." "What did you think?" we asked. "I was geigh as hell, i got mad fucked up and wandered in the woods and woke up spooning some tard in a banana suit. I am pretty sure i fucked that little dude. Those pressies suck ballsacs dude." "Tell us about it. Lets boof som...uhhh lets SNORT something...ehem" I said. So we blasted some yay, snapped the fuck out of it and went to the YB set. We started throwing back mad beers and raging real close by Tom Hamilton (i think cause of the pressies). Show was shick, Sphongle was shuper shick, and biscuits were almost on. We went back to the site, met up with sunshine and the bearz. We dropped some L, ripped some deemz, boofed some k while swilling some jack, blasted some yack while basing some salv, roasted a bubs and toasted to Spun (dudes in rehab, YOU MY HOMIE SPUN! KEEP FIGHTING! ) time for the show.
The Daily Brahzette front page reads: BISCUITS FRIDAY MELTS FACES! Wawaweewa kidz! King of the World > Rock Candy > KOTW > Cyclone > Rock Candy > Tempest > Rock Candy was legendary shit. I don't think I have EVER listened that closely or intently to a musical passage brahs. I was deep in it tonight. Thieving Magpie ends the set. Barbers new guitars are the tig ol bitties fer sure. The future is here and the biscuits seem to be toighter then toigers. Second set is more shickness. I would even say it was the best set of the weekend. Glastonbury > Spacebird > Buddah > Confrontation > Air Song > Shelby (ending only) was prolly like the highlight of the weekend for this spunion. I was soundboard stylin' with a bottle of Jack and a various buffet of pharmaceutical drugs dissolving simultaneously in my belly. Faded. Encore: KITNO. WOW. Magner works so HARD during that fucking tune! Calm down little man!"
Atditors Note: click here and continue reading.
Show ends. I go back to the site. Robbie Bear and Sunshine are effin going nuts! "The cubs are gone! THEY ARE GONE ATD!" said sunshine. She runs to me and hugs me. "Listen hun, maybe the cubs are just raging a little VL Tone > Jam > Technobeam i.e. The New Deal girrrrrrl!" Robbie seemed worried, "Dude, they promised to meet here right after grabbing some Ali Babas dude! That was 30 minutes ago. I looked everywhere, i swear to god if this is some GDF shit I will kill every last one of them!!!" He lets out a roar. It was actually pretty sweet. Then he burped. Kinda killed the scariness a bit. Anyway, we run over to tND and while they seemed to be raging harder then ever we were making like mrswookiedave and searching for our kids. We looked everwhere. "SHELBY ROSE! LAI !!!" "Where are my babies??" shouted Sunshine. I was getting worried too. What if the GDF took my favorite cubs and ...god forbid...they take their lyves, like they took my girl. I remember it like it was yesterday. Her blue eyes looking up at me, lyfe escaping them more and more, her blonde hair...wrapped by a scarf...a scarf i brought to Camp. She was everything I ever wanted...for what? WHAT DO THEY WANT? They want revenge!? "E ROC YOU SON OF A BITCH! SHOW YOURSELF!!!" Suddenly a path opened up to the right of the stage in the woods. A flashlight came on a face. It was E Roc, but he was surrounded by his entire lot fam. There was nothing i could do yet. He sent me a messenger with a note. This wook gave it to me and scurried back to the woods. I looked back up at E Roc. He and his goons disappeared into the woods. I opened the letter.
ATD -
Funny how lyfe works. You steal my girl and run my lot so I KILL YOUR GIRL and STEAL YOUR CUBS! If you ever want to see them again I ask for you to meet me tomorrow after the day set. I will be with my family, you can bring the bear and that spun tramp of yours. Consider this your last chance to get your cubs back. You will never get your girl back. She was beautiful. Maybe the most beautiful on lot. You think I didn't love her? I loved her more then a basis peak my friend. You will get what you deserve when you meet your death. Be at the Color Wars field at 6:30 PM. Um, we will be..uhhh...Purple. so yeah.
kys, E Roc
Robbie runs over with sunshine. She is a wreck. "Guys, its a note from the GDF. They have the cubs." "WHERE ARE THEY?? I WILL KILL THOSE BASTARDS!" roared Robbie. "Theres like 80 of em brah, I couldn't do anything. The cubs are okay, for now. we need to meet them for a war...at the color war field after the day set. The cubs will be there. So he says. We get back to the site and blow Xanax and puff Haze. We all fall asleep in the same tent, my tent. I clenched Snoop Doggs .44 all night while looking at some phone pics of my girl. We had so many plans, we were gonna do Holidaze, and maybe we would have started a family like Sunshine and Robbie. But thats long gone now. Now its just seeking revenge.
Atditors Note: stop music now and finish reading
At like 6 am I see a shadow creeping to the tent. I point my gun to the door. it slowly opens up. "WHO THE FUCK IS THAT???" "Its ME Pierre dude!" "What do you want man?" "I WISH I KNEW HOW TO QUIT YOU!!" "Jesus dude, stop eating those Elton rolls and go to bed!"
ending of part 2 music (optional) click below
Part 3 of 3
Atditors Note: Click here and read on.
Well I didn't sleep too much and the heat got us up early on Saturday. The sky was blue, the birds flew overhead. The field was calm. The sounds of wooks snoring faintly in the background. The small packs of custies, bunked another night, look to reclaim some form of dignity and score a half decent pressie in the early morning hours. The noobs with their toothbrushes walked to the bathrooms, afraid to use a spicket like a true vet. I yawned and put my 44 in my shorts. I cooked us up some gruel and poured some grog while Sunshine was tending to our battle uniforms stitching us patchwork armor and sheaths for our daggers. "Hey Robbie my son, cmon wouldya laddy?" I called, "We's gots a real scorcher today and we must be ready for battle. Sharpen thy swords and make sure our men get a days ration of gruel. We mustn waste a minute. I'll scour the fields for lookout points and you protect the homeland. We fight fer Scotland ya hear? We fight for FREEDOM. We stand here as brahthers yes, and we may die today as brahthers, but in time, our war will be won, we must never lay our shields down, never my lad. This is a war that will be remembered for ages. And win or lose, we stand by our home. " Robbie just stood there looking at me.
"Are you done?" he said. "Good. Now listen, imma gonna go get some food, you want anything?" I replied, "Get me a slice dude thanks, and uh...sorry about that." "No problem man, we will kill these bitches."
The day went by slow. I was nervous, i mean me and a bear and a dready ass spuncess cant take all these dudes. We are as good as goners. Finally Pierre gets up. "Sorry about last night mang, fucking Elton Johns...i am TOTALLY straight! fer sure. positive. I love women. All day long. love titties. Swim in dat shit." "I know brah, you my boy fo lyfe, you down to beat some GDF ass?" I asked. "You know it! well...one thing...its kind of embarrassing though." "Whats up Pierre?" He looked down at the ground, "ummm...I don't want to..uhh..i just don't want to die ya know...a virgin." "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! ...oh shit you are serious...ehem...alright. ..you stay out of this fight alright? haha". I went and took a walk. I had an idea that just might give us the edge we needed...
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So the biscuits were coming on soon and me and robbie and sunshine gathered at the top of the hill by the showers. They seemed mad nervous, so was I. "So listen phamily, we gots to get those cubs back and get revenge on this lot mob. they think they run shit and can ruin lyves but this is OUR scene and we say how it goes down! So i went and grabbed some shit while you guys were chillin. I think it may help." I opened up a small leather case. Inside, on top of Dianas grey scarf was every drug i could get my hands on. Molly, pressies, Deemz, sass, K, dope, coke, geltabs, paper, xanax, valium, percosets, oxycodone, oxycotin, meth, speed, salvia, HGH, nuggets, shrooms, opium, hash, mescalin, pressed keef, nitrous canisters, a bottle of jack, and a 30 rack. i mean everything. "HOLY SHIT! THIS IS THE MOST SHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN!!" said sunshine. "You're damn right girl. And we are going to take ALL of it." As the biscuits played their set down at the field we missed the set to literally sit and start blowing, boofing, popping, shwigging, bumping, railing, swallowing, chewing, shooting, tooting, smoking, toking, poking, and dipping. "Wait wait wait! We need a noobs back!" "What??" "We NEED to do this all off a NOOBS back!" I shouted. "look THERE!" Before i knew it Robbie charged over to this noob in a tie dye SCI shirt and dragged him back to us as he screamed in horror. "NO NO NOT AGAIN!!!" he pleaded. "Oh shit! its the EXACT SAME NOOB FROM LUPO'S!!! PERFECT!" I took out Diana's scarf and once again, I tied it around my head. We all put our hands (paws) in and looked down at the ridiculous amount of drugz in front of us and at the same we screamed "RAAAAAAAGEEEEEEE!!!"
finale:
Atditors Note: Click here and continue reading.
We threw the noob on the ground and crushed every drug down to a powder. the K with H, the coke with the keef, the oxys with speed...just crushing it all on his back. the noob was writhing in pain as we chopped away at his back with 6 credit cards, slicing his skin. We combined them all together, rolled up six $20 bills (one for each nostril) and blasted the entire mound of drugs at once "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! THE BUUUURRNNNNNN!!!" We then pack Sunshines triple bubble bong with deemz,nugs, crack, smack, boom, ice, pow, meth, hash, and opium. We each ripped the bong until it was killed, taking the biggest hits our lungs could bare (bear?). Thats when the Jack and the 30 rack were busted open. We shotgunned beer after beer, then stomping them with our feet on this effin noobs sorry ass back. We were swilling Jack between every crack of the beer. We killed the Jack and smashed the bottle over nooberinos head, knocking him totally out. Then we did a BOOF TRAIN of molly, pressies, and k. I was boofing sunshines ass, she boofed robbiebears, and he boofed mine. "FEEEEEELSSS SOOOOOO GOOOOD!!! ARRRRRRRR!!!" For the final touch we each dumped LSD on each of our hands and started just SMACKING THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER!! BITCH SLAPS IN THE FACE ALL DAY MOTHER FUCKERRRR!!! FEEL THAT??? We ripped awf our effin shirts, jumped on the passed out noob, locked hands, and flew (yes flew AGAIN) down to the show. We land right in the center of the crowd right as Shelby was starting to peak. We start laying down the most intense choreographed mind-blowing dance arsenal routine that caused the ground to catch fire and form a pit of smoke, instantly creating the most powerful essence of RAGE so enticing that literally every dude in the audience popped the most massive boner and every chick came until she was dripping down the leg. Everyone let out a collective moan of sheer ecstacy and then raised their fists and started PUMPING! Barber started shredding like a maniac! Over the hill the GDF appeared ready for war. We turned to them, smoke coming out of our ears, red as shit in the face, bloodshot eyes of fury, higher then anyone ever could be. I pointed to E-roc and yelled, "TIME TO DIIIIIIEE MOTHER FUUUUCCCKKKERRR!!!". Everyone in the audience turned around (you guys remember this right?) and everyone charged the GDF, knocking every dirty ass wook down and beating their worthless faces into the color wars field. I flew into the air as high as i could, retrieved my golden .44 and pointed it down to E-Roc. "its time you chilled briefly with the DEVIL you CUSTIE BITCH!" I blasted shot after shot right at his head, right between the eyes. Dude went straight down. "Damn, this smoke DOES smell like some sticky icky icky!" I flew down and landed next to E-Erocs limp body. I ripped his pin off and chewed it to a tiny piece and spit it 80 feet, knocking it off the Color Wars basketball hoop backboard and sinking a shot. All the wooks were dead and bloody and destroyed. The band raged the Shelby ending to a close and all the good Camp Bisco kidz slapped fives and pumped fists in the air. Everyone was jumping around screaming. We killed the shadeballs and restored order to our scene. I met up with robbie and sunshine. They were each holding the cubs! SHELBY AND LAI! you are okay! Lai looked at me and said "Untzz Untzz Untzz". Robbies face lit up. "Her first words!! you hear that? haha!" We all laughed and went back to the camp.
Atditors Note: Stop the music and now click here
The sun set on Camp's last night. I watched the Biscuits from the soundboard for first set. I took a walk and missed second set. I went up to the hill and stooding looking up at the sky. The full moon was beautiful. All of a sudden I swear I saw Diana's face in the moon. She was smiling down at me. I took off her scarf and held it up high in the air. A gust of wind blew in and carried it out of my grasp and it flew up to the sky. I watched as it kept going higher. I knew it was going back to her. I stood there for hours looking back at the moon and puffed some hubbaz. This finally comes to a close. I can move on now.
This will be my last Camp Bisco. And it was by far the best one I have ever been to. I thank all my friends and all the wonderful people in this scene. This band is only getting better and tighter and I will be listening to them for the rest of my life. Thank you for everyone for reading and enjoying my reviews. I have had a great time making them these last 2 and a half years. See you all soon!
SIIHB, AboveTheDave
07/17/08 Indian Lookout Country Club, Mariaville, NY Camp Bisco 7
Set I: 7-111> Little Betty Boop2> 42, Caves of the East> Svenghali3> Trucker's Choice
1 unfinished 2 middle section only 3 ending only
07/18/08 Indian Lookout Country Club, Mariaville, NY Camp Bisco 7
Set I: King Of The World> Rock Candy> King Of The World> Abraxas1> Rock Candy, Basis For A Day2> The Thieving Magpie
Set II: Meditation3, Papercut> Spacebirdmatingcall2> Tricycle> Confrontation> Air Song2 4> Helicopters2> Confrontation
Encore: Killing In The Name
1 inverted 2 unfinished 3 1st time played 4 with Ruu (Younger Brother) on vocals
07/19/08 Indian Lookout Country Club, Mariaville, NY Camp Bisco 7
Set I: Astronaut, Voices Insane> And The Ladies Were The Rest Of The Night1> Voices Insane, Shelby Rose
Set II: Mindless Dribble> Chilled Briefly2> Mindless Dribble> Crickets3> I-Man
Set III: M.E.M.P.H.I.S.> Save The Robots1> M.E.M.P.H.I.S.> Basis For A Day4, Killing Eleven2, House Dog Party Favor> Phantom Pt. II5> Spacebirdmatingcall4
1 inverted 2 1st time played 3 middle section only 4 completes 7/18 version 5 1st time played (Justice)
Commentary: Shout outs to Pierre (Pete), Andrea, and Julia.
Wawaweewaa crustifarians, ATD here giving you the FULL dilli-o yo on Lupos Heartbreak Hotel. The sound was tioght, the jams were shick, and the crowd was funky fresh. I guess I should start this effin review awf with a quick heads up to all the heads who want to hear me talk in detail about my drug use. I have been sober for 4 months. No deemz, no booze, no shards, no brews, no ganj, no crack, boom, ice, pow, or anything else. okay fine, i relapsed on jenkem but that was over 7 weeks ago. Why give up the tour lyfe that has given me sho much joy? I guess its this wonderful woman I have...Diana. Shes my little tokahontas and since I have found this love I guess I just have no desire to get banged up at shows. Sorry.
We get into the venue with no problem. Will call was easy. Pat down was nice. We get in on time for the Biscuits. We secure a spot on the right side.The show started out with an excellent I-man, real top notch stuff. Barber was sitting and had a new guitar. It looked custom and I have to say this guitar might be what he is looking for. Semi hollow, fast, and crisp. I-man first jam was a dance party. Second jam was a dark ass rock groove. Me and Diana got down. Next we got the new tune Vacation. Meh. Too generic sounding for me. Really don't like this one. After the this piss break song we got a SOLID crickets. cool bluesy intro jam, high energy barber first jam, second jam gets funky as fuck and goes into 42 real nicely. 42 was a dance party str8 up. Diana had to pee during the jam and when the set ended I realized she was gone for quite a while. When the lights went on I went over to the bathrooms looking all around. I look all around, waiting for a couple minutes and then I see out the front of the venue a cop car with the sirens going off. I look a second or two longer and then I see her cuffed against the car.
Editors Note: At this point of the review you need to click on the link below and then continue reading.
I run out to the street waving my hands. She sees me coming and shakes her head and screams, "NOOOOOO!!! DON'T COME OUT HERE!!!" Out of nowhere a cop takes me down to the ground and holds me, "You should have just kept raging the show brahmigo". Right then machine gun shots go off from a passing car. Diana just gets totally pelted all over with bulletspray. Her entire body just shakes and vibrates to the blasts of gunshots filling her entire body. Blood starts spraying out of every hole as she drops to her knees. Blood gushes to the street as she collapses to the ground. The car peels off and the cops jump in their cruisers and take off in pursuit. I get up and go to her side. I hold her up to me, running my hands through her golden blonde hair, and she looks at me with her watering, beautiful blue eyes. I burst out in tears, sobbing, and rocking her back and forth. Blood is literally running out of her body like a faucet. She has very little time to live. I want to ask her why she was arrested, who was in that car that shot her, and if reflection made the water blue but I didn't have the time. I just held her and told her it would be alright and that I loved her and would always love her. I wept and screamed "SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE!!!" Cars stopped as I lay in the street embracing the love of my life. Shes everything I ever wanted and now shes fading away in my hands. I remember when I first saw her in Manino's range rover and fell in love. I remember when we escaped the cops with all the Vap candy balloons and went and began our wonderful lyfe together. How could this happen?? WHY?? WHY GOD? WHAT DID I DO TO YOU???!!! ITS NOT FAIR! WHY?? YOU CAN'T HAVE HER! YOU HEAR ME YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU CAN'T HAVE HER! NOT LIKE THIS, NOT EVER!" I look down at her. She touches my face. Again, about the blood, i mean, theres like fucking blood everywhere. I'm covered in blood, she looks like a V8 can that was punctured 80 times. I hear the sirens of an ambulance in the distance. She takes one last breath and leans in to me and says her last words in a whisper..."Rage my love, Rage like you have never raged before. Rage for me. They need you AbovetheDave. I had my time with you but now you must go back to them. now go, go and RAGE YOUR EFFIN SAC AWF...cough cough..." she starts spitting up blood and convulses hard. The lights go out of her eyes. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! The ambulance comes and puts her in the stretcher and takes her to the hospital. They told me I could go with her but I said "No. Second set is starting." I took the grey scarf off her neck and put it around mine. Time to turn sorrow into rage. I run inside as the boys take the stage.
Editors Note: Please stop the song now and click on the following link for the remainder of the review.
I bolt inside and run to the bar. I throw down my card and say JAGER BOMBS! I down 6 bombs and jump on the bar. I start cartwheeling on the bar to the stage, knocking drinks over and smashing glass. I jump off the bar and do a triple somersault and land right next to the headiest brahseph in the place. I hand him $70. "Give me EVERYTHING!!!" He saw that i was here to RAGE FACE and he didnt even consider bunking or custying me for a split second. In fact, he gave me a pouch. "This pouch is everything i got. It should do the trick". I dart over to the mens room. "I've NEVER seen someone with the RAGE in his eye like that spunion there" he said as I disappeared in the crowd. I hit the stall. I grab the noobiest noob on my way there and throw him in with me. He scared shitless, nervous I am going to beat his ass. I rip off his SCI shirt and lay him face down against the toliet. "NOW LAY THERE. I NEED A HARD SURFACE TO BLOW ALL THESE DRUGS YOU EFFIN NOOB AND IF YOU SO MUCH AS MOVE MY LINE OF K INTO MY LINE OF COKE I WILL SLIT YOUR GODAMN THROAT YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!" I lined up 50 rows of line. K, Meth, Yay, crushed pressies, molecule, and every fucking presciption you can think of. The last line was a line of salt. I puff some crack, puff some tasties, puff some deemz, rail 5 lines of everything under the sun, all of this noobs back...and then I square up and blast the line of salt, pick up a shot of tequila and down it and take a lime and squit it in my eye. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I pick the noob up smack him in the face and dunk his head in the toliet. THE RAGE IS ON!!! I fly (yes, FLY) to the center of the crowd and lay down the most completely mindblowing arsenal of dance moves that instaneously make every chick in the place cream their pants and every dude pop a boner. Even barber popped a boner and looked up at me and sheepishly grinned and gave me a thumbs up. There was smoke coming out of my ears as I raged the second set so hard that me thinks I heard the god Zeus chuckle from on high. The show ended. I went back to the Hilton and proceeded to bang out 16 chicks while boofing the rainbow into my sweet virgin ass, all this while showing up every Phish snob in the hotey with a more extensive and expansive knowledge of every show and tune ever played by the band until they kissed my feet and offered their wookettes and sammy smiths. I didnt sleep a minute. And i still haven't slept a minute since. theres no going back. I AM BRINGING THE RAGE TO CAMP!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
see you at camp everyone! ATD
04/04/08 Lupos Heartbreak Hotel, Providence, RI
Set I: I-Man, Vacation, Crickets1> 42
Set II: Hope, Morph Dusseldorf2> Spaga, Resurrection> The City> Kamaole Sands
1 unfinished 2 dyslexic completion of 4/3 version
Commentary: This show was probably the drunkest I have been for a Biscuits show. I took my friends scarf and wore it all night and danced like a maniac (hence Diana's grey scarf). I didn't actually sleep that night in the hotel and came home and wrote this at like midnight the next night off of no sleep.
Well you don't need to be some sort of mastermind of Algebrah to know when a special show comes around. And I don't think i need to really elaborate too much when i say i am a mackematician of the female species. After snagging up my now-girlfriend Diana, lyfe has been shuper shick. Shes my Cleopatchwork, I am her Hercusties. its love brahs. its special, like the HAMMERSTEIN THIS PAST SATURDAY! lets get to the madness that was quite possibly THE SHICKEST SHOW I HAVE EVER SEEN. To give alittle backdrop on the situation here, if i may, Diana and I have now been bumping uglies for approximately 2 months now so i count this officially as the longest relationship i have evah been in (not counting my physical and mental dependence to Oxycontin for 4 months in the summer of 2004). Lyfe has been pretty chill for us really. We really "get" each other. Oh god let me tell you about this past weekend when we were just lying in bed and she called me her wittle cwustie cwitter and i called her my wittle....wait...this is getting off track. oh yea, so Robbie the bear was meeting us in Jersey on friday and then we all were rolling in to the city on Saturday. Weirdest thing though, Robbie never shows on Friday but is there FIRST THING Saturday morning coming out of my momz bedroom. hes holding her up and helping her walk cause apparently she fell down last night or something...anyways. her hair was a mess too. weird. So we all get in the van (not my momz) and hit the road to NYC. So good to see Robbie and we chat about lyfe, magner, the forest, barber, his kidz Shelby and Lai, brownie, and Judaism (Robbie converted for the childrens and Sunshines sake). so me and my neon day-glo princess and matzoh bear hit up the streets outside of the venue at about 3pm. As the kidz roll in, we load up on EVERYTHING, i mean cmon, it IS nye run so we gotta get our shit together. We eat some L, we eat some Cule, We sniff some rock, we sniff some fuel. We get in for GZA at 8PM and let me just say brahs, i am not big into rap or whatever, like i know my Pac and Biggies "In Da Club". I used to wear FUBU to be hard. I used to rock Phat Farm to be down. One time i drank a 40 oz of Crazy Horse and peed all over this underage ghetto chick and videotaped it. So don't tell me I dont know my urban stee lo cause I live this shit...or did at least. then i found bisco...oh and deemsters...and now my pubes are dreaded so you get the dilly-o yo.. BUT, i know my wu tang kidz and GZA WAS ON POINT! what a way to get the show off! he had Wyclef out there and Matisyoohoo and shit was epic! great way to start the night. Diana was looking like an effin Waves > Basis and robbie was laying back (not into hip hop cause they promote the use of guns). Time for the biscuits. guess whose got the play by play? atd of course. set one begins at 10:47. they kick it off with a shick 42 (11:25 mins) At around 9:45 min mark I lick half a gram of molly awf a bear paw. At the 10:23 mark I light a butt and then hit the dude in front of me with it burning a hole in his new circle logo shirt. he doesn't notice. shick. the jam drops into Magellan at this point and really starts to take off. Magellan was 9:42 mins long. at the 2:34 mark I throw back the rest of my beer with a vic,perc,valium, and oxycodone (for the flavor). at the 5:12 mark I hit this chick walking by with my arm and hit her right in the tit. SCORE! i grin for a second and then Diana sees me and I stop. Then I give her some vicadin and squeeze her ass. Robbie attempts to give me the thumbs up from afar but fails due to the lack of an imposable thumb. shucks. Crickets starts with Matisyahvishnu at around the 3:10 minute mark and this is where Robbie really starts feeling it. He busts out the deemz, some liquid, a bit of shards, a dabble of crack, a 1/2 tsp of meth, a pinch of H, and a smidge of jenkem. Le'chayim! Crickets takes off at the 5:46 min mark and magner turns on the juice. Robbies eyes are all fucked up and he falls down and lands on some fat chick who spills her beer all over herself. She bitches him out, he calls her a meshugeneh. Everyones pissed. Silly Bear, Crix are for kidzzzzz! You know its going > Confrontation at around the 13:48 mark. At that point I turn to Diana and i give her a kiss. she tastes bitter as hell and i pull back and realize i didn't kiss Diana's mouth at all, in fact, its not Diana, it was Robbies ASS and it was COVERED IN MOLLY!! at 15:33 I chug a beer while everyone fist pumps to Confrontation, pissed that i just tongued my boys asshole...and Diana is now missing. shick jam though fer sure. str8 fiyah. Astronaut > Astonomy Domine. First Astro-jam is a wook rattling bounce jam that touches the soul and glazes the domepiece. At 7:49 minutes in I see Diana in the corner of my eye through my stunna shades. She was down on the floor (we were first mezz of course) and she was chatting it up with Spun Rob. He was floor tonight with some of his shady friends..not like me and sunshine and Bearashewitz over here...i am talking SHADY. i got boopaloop'd once by them back in 2005 and the vibes went from good to bad right there brahs. and i can't have them hit on my biscochick. At the 13:02 mark I drop down behind the sound guy and start working my power-trance-progressive- pilates-cowfunk-breakbeat-technotronics-stereo mcs-c+c music factory- marky mark and the funky bunch - digifront- taylor hicks dance moves and work the crowd like the jaded vet I am. I rock the floor like dance dance revolution and bust a move right to Diana. at 14:07 I am face to face with a whole bunch of haters. KEEP SIPPIN' BRAHS! This one is MINE." I slap a high5 to Spun and take m'lady by the hand. "DON'T EFFIN TOUCH ME BRAH!!!" she said. I look at her face. shit! those aren't the perfectly dilated pupils of my princess!?!?! I was too spun!!! wrong wookette! As the Biscuits hit Astronomy Domine and end the set I get a text from her. She got booted for puffing hubbas in the ladies room. WTF! set ends at 12:02. I go up to Robbie and hes on the phone, "Whattup Robbie". "Sup kiiiiiid. Yo! your momz says whassup." he said. "whaat? you talking to my momz?...whatever...Yo, bitch got booted and i think she wants me to join her". "Shit Son. Well, maybe you should, she's your girl dood." says the Bear. Hes a wise bear. So i grab my jacket and hit outside as the opening notes of Shelby Rose start. Shes outside with tears in her eyes. Damn, this chick looks HOT! I buy her a hot dog and we go to my van....and i got some booty i got some booty i got some booty! ya know it was good too. she was a giver, a caring nurturer! she held me in her arms and it was like i was 15 years old all over again! I am effin pissed i missed a shick second set but sometimes brahs you gotta suck it up and be there for your chick. sometimes she comes home from work and bitches for like 20 minutes about some stupid slut at her job she hates. and sometimes she gets all pissy and doesnt want to even look at me. and sometimes she just cries for no reason. but through it all I stick by her. Why? I like the Biscuits, BUT I LOVE PUSSY! atd
1 completes 12/27 version 2 with Matisyahu rap over intro jam 3 ending only 4 1st time played (Pink Floyd) 5 unfinished 6 brownie announced CBVII; July 17-19 in NY 7 inverted 8 1st time played (Trans-Siberian Orchestra)
So the last couple shows I have been busy brahs. Real busy. Your boy has been working the lot the last couple shows with the fury, a heat only matched by the burning pain in my grundle (sunshine i love you baby). This is the story of a couple brahs, one wookette, and one evil custie. So here is my review of the Throwdown in Beantown as accurately as I can recall. We find our brahtogonist just weeks ago sitting in his momz basement with Spun Rob. My boy Spun brought his brand new volcano vaporizer! SHICK! time to start blazing right? NO! Spun Rob rips a plastic baggie out of his ass (hes on probation) and was like "dude, lets zap some effin rolls!". I was like "Dude, lets drop some L on the rolls and then vap THAT!". We both agreed that was the responsible thing to do. Only thing is, we didn't have a plastic bag to fill the fumes wit. Thats when Marley the dog ran in with a bag of party balloons in his mouth. He dropped them down and barked "groundscore!" and we were in business. After each ripping a balloon we all sat back and closed our eyes...and let me say this kidz: we just created the BEST DRUG ON EARTH. we WERE in business. The twisted flat brimmers needed to experience this new form of high. So for days on end me and spun rob make balloons of this vapped candy. We strolled the lots of fucking Warner, Wilkes-Barre, and Brahllingford, CT. The kidz are raving about are shick new concept. In Connecticut is when it got the attention of E-Roc (real name Eric Manino). Dude is king of the lot. He swings weight of everything for every show. If you got pressies on lot between 1998 and 2003, there was an 80% chance it came straight from E-Roc. Dude was a giant (hes only about 5'8"). And he approached me and spun. shit was nutsac. he was all like "meet me in my range rover pronto (no homo)". so we did. He got in the drivers seat, we got in the back, and in the passenger seat dudes, oh man, was the.hottest.biscochick.EVAHHHHHHHHHH!!! Chicklets' name is Diana and she was wooktastic. I mean you couldnt tell where the dreads on her head stopped and the ones from her snatch STARTED! she was a dreaded-out, blazing hot cutie, and frankly holmes, i think she was digging your mans steez. on the realz. She had these eyes with the most perfectly dilated pupils i have ever seen on someone rolling their tits awf! Basically E-Roc was telling me and spun that he runs the lot and he wants us to work for him. We were all like "brah, this is our idea. Vap your own rolls drenched in L and shit." He wasn't feeling that answer sho much. he told us that if we didnt work for him then he would NARCtastically rat us out. So we get out the car. E-Roc bolts like a dick. I open the door for miss thang. She puts her hand on my shoulder and steps down. Then she asks me for a balloon. We each suck one down and close our eyes...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Next thing i know i am BALLS DEEP IN DIS BITCH!!! we are rocking this range rover sho effin hard! This chick was riding me sho hard that i could barely keep the coke on her titties to snort!! crazy right? anyways, E-Roc starts walking towards the car so me and her quickly get our clothes on and by the time he opens the door we are legit. "WTF? Get out of the car!" You could tell he was mad suspicious of us. So i get out and meet up with Spun Rob who is selling mad balloons. We fear the wrath that E-Roc might bring, and we were right to think that. Cause the next evening in Boston, shit hit the effin fan. We show up like a freakin circus selling balloons to the kidzz when we get grabbed by two security guards. E-Roc watches and laughs at what his NARCosistic actions have now done. As we are being dragged towards the front of the venue Spun Rob takes a pen and starts popping mad balloons. The fumes of the vap candy hit the faces of the guards and he escapes. I do not, and they throw me in a back room with security guards outside. They tell me the cops are gonna show up and handle this serious situation. I boof a pressie and do some key bumps. The show starts.
High noon - and how effin high they were! Biscofolk fill the center square right outside the Orpheum for show time. There is much commotion. Arab-driving taxis line the outer streets. Noobs are yelling their pitches(weight) into the crowd. Street wookies are miming and dancing in front of onlookers. The echoing sound of the street custies unzz can be heard ricocheting off of the buildings.
Your brah (ATD) sits alone in Securities back office reading over his PT picks wondering when they are gonna play Papercuts, blasting shards of the pure fiyah, and listening to the sea of people raging a shick Lunar Pursuit opener. I think about Diana, that range rover (with newly added cum stain), and I think about how these effin pigs are gonna show up and interrogate me just cause i am black...well not really "black" but i am rather "urban", my style is "fresh", my lingo is "hood", and i have like 3 black friends that call me "nigga"...so you do the math.
So Spun Rob gets in the show, gets up mad close and is raging. he is texting me that he is like 2nd row center and that he is right behind Diana! He asked if he could boof her which was very gentlemenly of him and i texted back "NBD, boof away brahmigo". What a great friend. I guess E-Roc was still in the lot with security apprehending all the vap candy balloons like a doucherag cockhandler that he is. I get another text from Spun: "Diana says she loves you". OHHH SHIT! to celebrate i drop a 5 strip, rock two thumbprints, puff some deemz, and then get pharmaceutical on dat azz wit a perc,vally,vic,oxy, and advil (for the comedown). I sit back in the chair and FREAK THE FUCK OUT! i am hearing all these voices outside and i hear sirens and I know I am going straight to jail and no amount of garlic grilled cheesers are gonna get MY bail.
Just then two staff members bust through the door and take me through some corridors backstage to be interrogated by the effin pigs. they sit me down and in come two cops holding what was like 25 balloons. fucking clowns. they shine a light in my face a la CK5 and i am so spun i start to shake. E-Roc is smiling and watching alongside the cops. I am fucked. I sit down as they start to berate me with questions. I get a text from Spun Rob, "outside smoking a butt, ripping balloons with Diana". Then i get the most ridiculous idea EVAH. I can hear the band playing sho close. and it sounds sho good. I look down at the table in front of me. and then BAM! I flip the table up at the cops knocking them down and take off through the hallways behind the stage. the staff and cops are all chasing me as i dash through the corridor following the sound. My only chance of escaping is to make for the stage and jump into the crowd. With a hoard of pigs on my heels, i get to the stage and dive into a full on crowd surf! I start swimming through the sea, feeling the hands and heads of all my brothers and sisters of this crazy thing called bisco rubbing up on me. I am just hoping that Spun Rob will be waiting outside with the any of the vap candy balloons, the only ones remaining after the crackdown. As I get carried to the back of the orchestra seating I think about how the fuck I got to this position and how if I could just get a clean break, I will never swing weight on lot again.I get to the back of the crowd and bolt to the exit. I get out into the dark lot and run screaming "Spun Rob!!!". he hears my call and I meet him. He is with Diana. "Brahs, we gotta leave this place. worst. show. EVAH!. I give spun a hug. i say to him, "We had a great drug, we still do, but swinging it just got too hard. Lets just go back to simpler times dude." He was all like "Will I ever see you again?" and i was all like "dude..i will be at my momz in like 2 days. Meet me there...and get some crack btw." We hugged. I take Diana by the hand and we run around the corner to Spuns van. We open up the back and 100 balloons fly out all bunched up. We grab ahold of it and start to fly up in the air. Diana smiles at me, i can tell she is thankful to get away from this terrible lyfe. We fly off into the distance, never to be seen again...well except by momz, spun, sunshine, marley, robbie, and pretty much everyone but...whatever...we wont be on tour til NYE so...you get the point. anyways kidz, i wish i could tell you what was played last night at the Orpheum but I literally have no idea. Sunshine, Robbie, Shelby, and Lai (twin bears) were at the show but were balcony and werent raging sho hard and never texted a gringo. but know this and learn this from an experienced, UNJADED vet of the scene: you can swing on lot and make some dough, and you can rage hennessey side like a madman, but this scene will only last if we all have love for it. If you don't give a shit about anyone then no one will feel your steez and rep your crew. you can tilt your hat and keep your brim flat but if you aint here for the 2.0 and all that is the future of tDB get the fuck out of my effin scene and i dont need it effin corrupted bitches! who's got my molly? ATD
10/31/07 Orpheum Theatre, Boston, MA Set I (minus "A Night On Bald Mountain," Down To The Bottom" and "Jamillia") and Set II (minus "A Night On Bald Mountain") was the 8th complete performance of "The Hot Air Balloon."
1 1st time played (Modest Mussorgsky); from Walt Disney's "Fantasia" 2 1st time played (Bach); from Walt Disney's "Fantasia"
Commentary: The Hot Air Balloon was played this night and I just ran with it and made my own. I literally copied and pasted pieces from the actual opera at times and changed it as needed to stay with the flow of the original, while making sense in my story. here is a link to the reactions: http://www.phantasytour.com/bisco/boards_thread.cgi?threadID=1444247&page=1
