Chilled Briefly with Aron Magner

so i got to finally meet the master of the keys himself, Mr. Aron Magner! Dude was super chill and really DTE (down to earth). I was at this bar watching March Madness and Magz came in and sat down next to me.

:::START THIS MUSIC NOW AND CONTINUE READING::::

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGF9ksw-sG4&feature=related


Me: Oh wow hey there
Magz: Do i know you?
Me: um. no. but i know who you are.
Magz: oh yeah?
Me: Yeah you are Aron Magner, keyboardist for The Disco Biscuits
Magz: You got it
Me: best band ever.
Magz: well i wou..
Me: No seriously. best band of all time hands down. and you are the best keyboardist ever
Magz: no i cant sa...
Me: No dude i worship you guys. Ive seen you so many times
Magz: I mean you look kinda familiar.
Me: Me? ha..ha..i mean...thats so cool! i mean Aron Magner! knows ME?! shucks.
Magz: well i didnt say i KNOW you i guess but...
Me: You look great.
Magz: What?
Me: No i mean you look good. like you are happy. What brings you out to Cali?
Magz: Oh we are playing a few dates out here this week. Love the weather.
Me: Oh! DUH! like i totally knew that. i love conspirator. totally great stuff. i think it really gives you an opportunity to just completely open up and like take control and just...
Magz: yeah its nice to let loose. i really work up a sweat up there.
Me: i know you do! i watch you really intensely and you give it your all.
Magz: um. yeah thanks. i try. so i think im gonna get a drink but it was nice talking to you. hope to see you at the show man.
Me: Hey! let me buy you a beer! least i could do for ARON MAGNER!
Magz: No thats really...
Me: Oh please. my treat! got some good games on right now. Kansas is in trouble!
Magz: Um yeah sure why not. Ill have a Sierra Nevada. Kansas always chokes.
Me: Man ass does what?
Magz: No i said..Kansas chokes
Me: Oh! yeah! totally. God...they always do choke, and i know a thing about choking let me tell you!
Magz: wow. yeah how so?
Me: What? uh oh yeah i mean i used to play ball a lot. never could finish.
Magz: thats rough. thanks for the beer.
Me: No problem ARON MAGNER. Cheers to new best friends!
Magz: Chee...wait what? i mean we are cool sure.
Me: Sooo bestie. just kidding. So like ive been following you for like 13 years straight. i mean i'm not some like fanboy or whatever but...i mean i am a boy andddd i am a fan but not like together or whatever. Your music really turned me around. like literally. the moment your music entered my ears i knew i would need it inside me forever. i was heading down this one path and then after seeing you play i decided to take a COMPLETELY different direction in life. i mean COMPLETELY! WOAH! like my dad still hates me. But its thanks to you and the band. so what does the future hold?
Magz: Well i am hoping the band continues to...
Me: no no. not the future of the band. the future of US.
Magz: i am not following
Me: I love you
Magz: okay i should go
Me: NO!! i mean no...please...sit down. Let me buy you a shot.
Magz: Um no thanks.dude i should probably go.
Me: Wait. what? no. i mean. look.Aron...listen. I'm sorry I am just nervous because you are Aron Magner, keyboardist of the disco biscuits...
Magz: i understan...
Me: ...musical idol of mine...
Magz: yeah i forget sometimes what its like...
Me: ...Spaga...the magz...the prodigy...
Magz: I get it..
Me:.......on stage every night, just pummeling those keys and gyrating to the pulsing hard waves of sound with your tight chiseled physique...
Magz: i know..wait what the?..
Me:...just a jewy rock hard man stallion dripping in sweat and singing to me and me alone and...
Magz: thanks for the beer gotta go.
Me: ILL SEE YOU AT THE SHOW ON FRIDAY MAGNER!!!
Magz: PLEASE DONT COME!
Me: I DO EVERYTIME YOU PLAY SPY!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!

so that was my brief chill sesh with the sick and awesome Aron Magner. Super nice and REALLY big hands for someone that short! dont know if anyone ever posted about that but hes got some mitts. cant wait to see conspirator in LA.

ATD

my review of Best Buy Theatre 12-26-2012

sup haterz. been a minute. some of you know me, others may not. i used to pwn noobs back when people on the internet still used the term "pwn". yeah...like i said...been a minute. but ATD is back. why? cause i, for the first time in 2 years...saw a full Disco Biscuits show (not counting ID Fest Camden when i raged so hard i fell asleep) (also cause i wasnt actually AT the show per say, i was just streaming it from my couch in my apartment) (also cause it was the stream of the night before and i didnt realize it till i came to) (strangely enough when i came to, i also came too).

Its been a while since i raged with the fury and passion that once trolled these boards. I have since been str8 killin the game though. Got a solid west coast LA crew out here on the realz. Lance AKA Trancey Lancey, Brock, Blake, and Jacy. They are all super cool brahs and we rage bisco sbdz and rail moonrocks and hit up the clubs...mostly gay clubs cause they are all super homo but im not no homo i mean wait no im NOT homo not like a double negative...i mean nothing against gay people i just dont like dudes that much. no..shit..not like i dont DO dudes that much i just dont like dudes enough to do them. i mean if there was a gun to my head and i HAD to do a dude i would i guess but that fortunately hasnt happened....in like a really long time....and even though it was dark and i didnt realize it was a water pistol its not like the biggest deal......i mean i was pissed like marn but i still talk to my uncle. cool dude. loved the dead. anyway....time to talk boscos (do kidzz still call them that?) (do we still call ourselves kidzz?) (should i forget the dream i had last night?)

Sunshine was preggers. Robbie the Bear is on a book terr. No, not for himself. He just tours only book tours now. He says hes done like every J K Rowling show in 2011. Hes trying to get a job as a roadie for her doing her lights but no luck so far. Teh Wizard is in an alternate universe currently and wont answer my effin texts like hes a chick who just cant seem to tell me nicely to fuck off. Sneaky Pete is...yup...in Jail. Again. Andrea said she wont rage bisco til he returns in 2025 (which i hear could be THE year for this band to play MSG). Julia quit the biscuits in 2010 after Planet Anthem came out cause "they will literally never top this album" and wanted to get out ahead. Spun Rob got married, had a daughter, and is now a doctor. Spun Rob MD. So i guess i had to rage alone.

Its been sho long since ive been at show it was like i was re-noobed. I didnt know the kidzz i was seeing. The seemed younger. I tried to score dr00gz but everyone was like "are you a cop?". Fuckin shat. I just went in. SO FOR ALL YOU HATERZ OUT THERE JUST LET ME PREFERENCE THIS REVIEW WITH A LITTLE WARNING. I WAS 100% SOBER. NOT "PT SOBER" . NOT A OUNCE OF DRUGS WERE IN MY BODY. NOTHING WAS INGESTED IN MY MOUTH OR BOOFED IN MY BUTT. SO BEFORE YOU TELL ME THAT I WASNT AWARE OF MY SURROUNDINGS AND HAVE NO MERIT JUST KNOW THAT THIS REVIEW ISNT AN OPINION. IT IS FACT. MY REVIEW IS RELEVANT BECAUSE I WAS SOBER SO MY MUSICAL OPINION IS NO LONGER OPINION BUT COMPLETELY 100% FACT AND MUST BE CONSIDERED THE TRUTH.

So the boys kicked it awf with Resurrection. Talk about uninspired. I mean wow terrible opener. Oh i get it you are resurrected! wait no you are my favorite band literally dying in front of me. Went and got a gatorade. Came back and they jammed into Plan B. i mean this jam was so disjointed it was borderline embarrassing. Barber seemed totally not into it and his tone was so off just pick up the Gibson and i could swear he wouldnt even LOOK at brownie. i guess the must be beefing about how they are going to end this journey together and ruin my jaded meaningless life. Next came AC2B. glad to hear this tune...wait until it was disjointingly uninspired. took a piss. Came in to hear You and I. If you like this song then you should KYS. its a joke and uninspiringly disjointed. pretty sure barber flubbed the lyrics too and i could tell it ruined the set for allen who totally phoned in like usual. Sammy would have killed You and I. Mr. Don. Meh. I like Mr. Dons back in 99 and then they totally jumped the shark and noodle uninspiringly until they came to a disjointedness that only could end in embarrassing flubbing and mediocracy. God where is the band I love?!?!
The band left the stage and i could swear magner gave Brownie a smirk like "i hate you so much and you are ruining this band" and Barber looked too fucked up to even play. I took a seat.

The hottest bisco batch evahhhhhh was next to me looking fly as feck. I was like "yo im ATD." Girlie was like "I know who you are. I love your reviews, I'm Caitlin." Then we just started banging sho hard right there...in my head. She was like "you wanna puff a bowl/do a rail/drop some L/boof some K/sniff some rock/huff some deemz?" I was like "Batch. Marry me and let me live inside you forevaahhhhh!!!" Chicky laughed. She had purty eyes. And was wearing this scarf...it was gray...just like the one Diana had. Diana, the now-deceased former love of my life who tragically died in a mid-show drive-by of gunfire by an opposing lot gangster over a love affair that..well...if you dont know the story you are a newb. It was like my lady survives! But hotter. and cooler. This chack could change my lyfe. maybe start a new chapter in my lyfe. make me a phamily mang. Grow old with. Grow weed with. We puffed,snorted,smoked,railed,boofed,chewed, and glazed our domepieces with the quickness. SO WARNING HATERZ AND TROLLS I WAS 100% FUCKED UP OUT OF MY MIND SPUN FOR THIS SET SO DONT TELL ME THAT I DIDNT UNDERSTAND THE MUSIC OR HAD ANY CONCEPT OF TIME AND SPACE BECAUSE I DIDNT AND I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT THE DRUGS MADE EVERYTHING BETTER AND I HAVE NO SAY IN WHAT IS RIGHT AND WRONG AND MY LIFE CHOICES CLEARLY SHOW THAT. SO REPEAT, I WAS 100% UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF DRUGS, SEVEN DRUGS TO BE EXACT, AND HAVE NO CONTROL OVER MY ACTIONS AND/OR THOUGHTS. THIS REVIEW SHOULD BE CONSIDERED THEREFORE IRRELEVANT AND THE OPINION OF AN ASSHAT.

The Biscuits came on stage for set 2 and right awf the bat shit was the HEAAAATTTTTT. Munchkin opener got the place hoppin. Never heard babz with the TONE like this before. i mean his TONE was the best EVAHHHHHHH. He looked locked and loaded and feeling like a king and wanted to make us all feel amazing. Me and caitlin were getting down sho hard i didnt know if my pants were soaking wet from her or the bahbz shredding (also possible third reason was that i pissed myself flame away).
Then came the Little Lai. IF YOU DIDNT LIKE THIS LAI THEN YOU SHOULD JUST STOP SEEING THIS BAND ANYMORE cause it was the tits. and the fiyah. it was like titties on fire and im motor boating dem titties and my face is melting awf cause they covered in flames but i cant stop cause they are titties and i am just. a. man. damnit.
Then into CRICKETS!! i was busting out the old school bisco trance dancing that left newbs jaws on the floor. Jam into this was the best jam of the year by a mile. listen to the boards and tell me im wrong to my effin screenname in upper case letters if you dont believe me!
Caitlin had the sweetest moves this spunion has ever seen. We had chemistry...physically, emotionally, and macrocosmically. Your boy had a heart boner. kangfirmed.
Then BOOM LUNAR PURSUIT!! BEST SONG EVER PLAYED BY A BAND. IF YOU DIDNT LIKE THIS JAM THEN YOU ARE TOO OLD AND DONT UNDERSTAND WHERE THIS BAND IS HEADING. this was the illness. brownie was just dropping bombs and not flushing em and stinking up the joint and magner was playing with two hands and being perfectly metro sexual and allen was thunderclapping and e-harmonying on his iphone while thirst quenching cocks.
THEN CRIX > CONFRONTATION ended the set and i during this segment i grabbed chica and we made out for a second. Then she grabbed me by the junk and was like "bet you think youre crazy. bet you think youre wild!" Oh my god brahmigos. Cant believe she just quoted my favorite bisco song Neck Romancer. We made out some more. She tasted what i imagine cheesesteaks taste to babar.
The encore was the realness.Highwire!!!! ARE YOU EFFIN KIDDING ME?! IF YOU DIDNT LIKE THIS ENCORE THEN YOUR PARENTS FAILED YOU AND YOU SHOULD BOOF YOUR HEAD INTO YOUR ASS. STOP WASTING YOUR MONEY AND MY TIME WITH YOUR HATE AND LET US REAL FANS LIVE OUR LIVES.
After the show i was like "damn girl. So what now? you wanna come rage my hotey with me on the solo tip?" She was like "Oh i would love to.........but Barber just texted me and he got me a backstage pass!!!" My heart sunk into my stomach and my boner sunk inside my sack. "Oh totes, yeah cool...okay...well it was nice meeting you i guess" i said and walked away.
She called me "ATD!!"
I turned around.
"I'm just fucking with you. Lets have sex, then get married, then have like 7 kids, then start a family band and tour the country playing trancefusion for all the world in a bus and bring joy to the entire world."
"Damn baby. I am SHO down with that!....wait....what are your feelings on anal?"
"Love it." she said.
"Then lets party like its NINETEEN NOOBITY NOOB!!!!"


Set 1: Resurrection > Plan B > Aceetobee1 > You and I, Mr. Don

Set 2: Spraypaint, Shelby Rose > Crickets2 > The Great Abyss > Crickets3 > Shelby Rose

Encore: I Remember When

Hotey Set: Penis > Vagina4

1 unfinished
2 inverted (middle section)
3 inverted (ending/beginning)
4 I finished but she didnt and i said im sorry im usually better and we smoked deemz and took a bubble bath.

KYS,
AboveTheDave


12/26/11 • Best Buy Theater • New York , NY
Set 1: Resurrection > Plan B > Aceetobee1 > You and I, Mr. Don
Set 2: Spraypaint, Shelby Rose > Crickets2 > The Great Abyss > Crickets3 > Shelby Rose
Encore: I Remember When

3inverted (ending/beginning)
2inverted (middle section)
1unfinished

So I met this chick last night

...at a U2 concert (flame away the tickets were free) and we were totally hitting it off all night. Shes like 4 feet tall (flame on i am only 5'2") (flame away im hung like a hippo) and our seats were like right next to her and her boyfriends (flame away but he wasnt that into her and i could tell she was unhappy with him) so i offered to get her a drink. she said she wanted a stoli razz with soda water so i ran to the bar and ordered 2 of em, one for me and one for her (flame on flamers but it actually tastes great and its low in calories, more dancin room for me) and i get back to my seat and her boyfriend and her are making out so i just kick it with Kevin, my best friend who i went with (douse me in gasoline and light me on fire you flamers i just went cause he loves U2 and i am a good friend, you fucking flame-ingos). so chica turns to me after her make out session and was like "hey you get any drinks?" and i was gonna say no but felt bad so i gave her the booze and she hands it to her man and he's all like "omg my FAV! thanks hun!" and they start making out again (scorch on flameons but i could tell she wasnt into it that much and even looked at me once) so U2 is rocking out and we are getting down and girly is giving me smiles and we are saying some stuff back and forth like i dunno...like.."so whats your name?" and like "can you buy me another drink?" to which i obviously replied "anything you want!" (flame at will but yall be jellin on my game tactics, shit was locked down) so i went and got a bunch of beers and came back and her boyfriend was there and looked mad pissed and knocked all my beers in my face and then punched me in the stomach and stormed off (flame on nancies but he was lightning fucking quick and the ground was slippery and i didnt have my glasses on and im near sighted and had beer in my eyes so like i couldnt do anything but trust that if i see him again i will easily take em out...side and ask for the money for those beers back so put your flames out) i finally get up, with some assistance, and wipe the beer off my face and realized i pissed myself (hey now, youre an allstar get your flame on) so i went to the bathroom and was wiping off and walked in to the handicap stall (flame away but some guys have trouble peeing in public urinals and need to calm themselves first in the quietness of a stall thank you very much flamerinos) and i walk in and see Kevin getting his dick sucked by my girly! (yeah flame away but Kevins fucking gay so jokes on her) Kev motions for me to leave so i go to my seat and watch some more of the show including an amazing version of Beautiful Day (flame on but that song helped me get over a pretty serious addiction to WoW but gameritis isnt like recognized yet in the medical world or whatever so take your Walk of Flame on me douchebags) and Kev comes back with girly and he's like "dude this chick is the coolest and hottest chick i have ever gotten with, she totally converted me back to being hetero" and all this shit and i was like wtf and she was like "wanna get a drink?" and i look up at Kev (cause i'm fucking short but so is fucking Tom Cruise and so is Bono so take a walk where the streets have no flame haterzzz) and he gave me a look like "aww yeah!" and i got really excited and was like "Yeah! sure!" and she grabbed a ten out of her wallet and was like "i'll have a bud lime, get yourself something too!" (flame away all night but i took that ten and bought 2 razz stoli's with soda water and pounded em BOTH! so THERE!).

Calvin Theater 10-9-2009 and 10-10-2009

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Meow review of Camp Bisco VIII

Camp Bisco.MEOW.MEOW MEOW RAIN!!! MEOW MEOW not cool yo. MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW met some new friends MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW bunked some old friends MEOW MEOW MEOW lost 4 of my lives in the late night tent MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW fucked a wooks dog for MEOW MEOW MEOW Ketamine. MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW Pierre biffed a can of fancy feast MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW shards, doses, boom, crack, ice, meth, rock, fuel, and Sparks. MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW. MEOW THAT TOM HAMILTON IS A REAL LOOKER! (no homo) MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW blew a dude for a catnip wrap...MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW Spun Rob MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW!!! MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW Sunshine MEOW MEOW MEOW such a wookie slut...MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW so i hissed at the fucking bear and took a shit in his tent (why a bear has a tent is beyond meow). MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW THE WIZARD TURNED ME INTO A ROCK MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW custied a high schooler by selling my hairballs as sour diesel MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW FML MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW SHICKEST SPY EVAHHHH!!! MEOW MEOW MEOW KEVIN GILLIS TRIED TO RAPE ME, THEN TRIED TO EAT ME...MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW HELI > I LOVE COLLEGE > COPTERS!!!MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW SHO SHICK!!!

meow click here


meoooooooooooooow meooooooooow meeeeeeeeeeeeeow meeeeoooowwww
meoooooooooooooow locked the zipper in my tent and wouldn't let me out all weekend!!! meooooooooow meeeeeeeeeeeeeow meeeeoooowwww
meoooooooooooooow scared away all my friends!! meooooooooow meeeeeeeeeeeeeow meeeeoooowwww took all my Sheba!!!
meoooooooooooooow meooooooooow meeeeeeeeeeeeeow meeeeoooowwww
meoooooooooooooow meooooooooow crazy ass bitch said i was mounting other cats meeeeeeeeeeeeeow meeeeoooowwww meeeoowwww
meoooooooooooooow meooooooooow rolling my godamn cat-titties awf meeeeeeeeeeeeeow meeeeoooowwww meow meow meeeeooowww meooowww
WHY??? WHY!!! WHY YOU SON OF A BITCH?!!! YOU TOOK HER!! YOU TOOK HER FROM ME!!! WHYY!!!??? meow meow meeeeeeeow meowwww. "meow my love. meow like you've never meow'd before." MEEEEOOOOOWW!!! MEOW MEOW MEOW!!!

meow stop the music and click here



MEOW RAGE!!! MEOW MEOW!!! GIVE ME EVERYTHING YOU HAVE!!! MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW NO YOU CUSTIE FUCK THERES ANOTHER CAT RUNNING AROUND HEAD TO TOE IN GLOWSTICK??!!! CMON ASSHOLE!!! MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MIX MEOW MIX PLEASE DELIVER MOTHER FUCKER!!! MEOW MEOW SPUN ROB's JENKEM STASH MEOW MEOW AND MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW DIPPING, SNIFFING, PUFFING, STUFFING, BOOFING, CLAWING, STRETCHING, CHUGGING, SHWILLING, RAILING, YAWNING, SNORTING, CHEWING,NAPPING ALL DAY MOTHER FUCKER!!! MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW THREW UP EVERYWHERE!!! SHO SHICK!!!
MEOW MEOW HENNESSEY! HENNESSEY!! HENNESSEY!! MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW ATE A FALCON ON DMT??!!! RAAAGEEE!!! MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW BITCH TELLS ME SHE 'GROUNDSCORED A CAT' MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW KILLED THAT BATCH!!!
MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW SAW BARBER FINISHING MY 9 LIVES AND I SHAT RIGHT IN BROWNIES FLAT BREEZY!!MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW FLOES IS SHO OVERPLAYED MEOW! MEOW MEOWCOSMICALLY SPEAKING of course MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW ROLLING SHO HARD I START LICKING MYSELF CLEAN!! FEEEELLSSS SOOOOOOO GOOOOOOD!!! MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW THEN USED THAT FAT BITCH AS A SCRATCHING POST AND THEN RAGED THE DONCORE WITH A PAW PUMPING THAT OPENED THE SKIES AND MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW AND NEXT THING I KNOW I AM IN A K HOLE SHO DEEP I START TO NOD OFF BUT MY CREW THINKS IM JUST TAKING A CAT NAP!!! FUCKK!!! (turns out i just needed to nap actually). MEOW MEOW MEOW!!! CAMPS NOT FOR PUSSIES LIKE ATDAVE!!!

Meow,
ATD's cat

Commentary: I didn't go to Camp this year but my cat did. He came home and wrote his own review cause he said its so easy to do. A mock review of my mock reviews if you will. He's such an asshole sometimes.

My review of the sex i had last night (also titled "Phenway")

So overall it was like a 7/10. Definitely above average but still a bit left to be desired. Sounds were fantastic from my position but when i switched locations I found that the sound got drowned out but I was listening very intently to the whole night. Show opened with a solid "I Am Drunk and Don't Want To Go Home", though a bit predictable I was happy to hear it. Then came "Let's Go To Bed" which is one of my favorite Cure songs and it was perfect timing in the set. We get ready for the next step and get a nice "Back Massage" which without fail ALWAYS goes > "Take Off All My Clothes and Ravage My Eager Body". It started to get hot in the ATD Bednorth Arena (Boston) but we powered on. Jam out of TOAMCARMEB was hot and before I know it we are face to face..with a nice four on the floor (literally) jam that has me thinking we got to be getting a monster "Condom NOW!!!" and bam!! I quickly get down and put on my best moves to stay hard...core that is. Gotta rep my hometown show brah! So then we go to "Fuck Me Like You Want Me" which is always a great thing to hear. I prefer a "I Love Your Dick Inside Me" or a very rare "You Can't Hurt Me" but those are mostly reserved for the craziest of nights. set one ends with a "Are You Inside Me Because I Really Can't Feel Anything" which brings the show to a screeching halt and as the the lights come on there is quite alot of chatter from the crowd about the choice of song. After about 15 minutes the lights go down and its time to rage second set!
It opens with a wonderful classic, "Only the Tip" which is a RAW song that takes alot of precision playing and great timing because there are so many tempo changes. Before we knew it though we were getting a "Fully Inside and Possibly Gonna Cum Too Quick So I Need to Start Thinking of Something Gross Like My Mom Naked Taking A Shit"!!! AMAZING!!! It was totally pulled off too! Like a pro! I held on tight as the place was rocking!! Things were flying around everywhere and we were screaming and yelling and panting and pumping away...our fists!! WOO HOOO!! Then we get a switch up stylistically, and slow it down with "Hop On Me Little Lady" and wow did the girl i was with dig that! she was really into it but i took a break and let her bounce to the rhythms. She really got off on that number so we were anticipating the next move. Fortunately for me it was a "Blowjob From A Drunk Girl" but wait!! no!! it was just a tease...damn...then it jumps right into "Finish Inside Me" which I always love but worry about sometimes because it always marks the end of the show. But I delve deep into it and we coast right to the climax of the jam and we are just convulsing to the song and I am about to explode...with excitement! The climax goes right into "Oh Shit I Just Busted A Nut In This Girl And Now She Could Get Preggers" which is a SCARY ass jam that really bugs you out but you just gotta hope you get a "Its Okay I Will Take Plan B in the Morning So Don't Worry" but I wasn't hearing those notes!! Fuck. Whats the encore gonna be??? We discuss some of the highlights and stuff. Then I hear something I haven't heard EVER!! FIRST TIME!!! the power ballad of them all!! "I Want You To Take A Dump On My Chest Because My Father Never Loved Me"!!! I mean, I have heard a "Please Give Me A Golden Shower" or "I Am Cool With Anal" but DAMN!!! THIS NIGHT ENDED WITH QUITE A SURPRISE!!! Things kinda got weird once the bombs were being dropped. I mean i love when they drop some BOMBS but this seemed dark and weird tonight.

All in all it was a solid show. I am really just glad we didn't get another "Umm Sorry That Was So Quick, Usually I Can Go For A Lot Longer I Swear". I mean,the chick i was with hears that tune ALL the time when we rage a show together so that was good. Coulda gone for a "Threesome With My Best Friend Who Happens To Also Be An Asian Model And Is Bisexual And Could Deep Throat An Umbrella" but who am i kidding?? Thats for dreamers! I am just happy to have gotten laid.

atdave


5/31/09
ATD Bednorth Arena

Set 1: I Am Drunk and Don't Want To Go Home, Let's Go To Bed, Back Massage > Take Off All My Clothes and Ravage My Eager Body > Condom NOW!!!, Fuck Me Like You Want Me > Are You Inside Me Because I Really Can't Feel Anything

Set 2: Only the Tip > Fully Inside and Possibly Gonna Cum Too Quick So I Need to Start Thinking of Something Gross Like My Mom Naked Taking A Shit, Hop On Me Little Lady* > Finish Inside Me > Oh Shit I Just Busted A Nut In This Girl And Now She Could Get Preggers

E: I Want You To Take A Dump On My Chest Because My Father Never Loved Me

* w/ Blowjob From A Drunk Girl tease

Klein Auditorium 4-19-2009

part 3 of 3

start this effin review awf with this music


Have you ever wondered what happens when you die? Have you ever brahntemplated teh lyfe and thought to yourself that maybe there is more out there? Something LRGer than lyfe? Ever bang two chicks at the same time in a hotey while in a bathtub full of molecule? I have done all of these. And I have seen things on boscos terr that could shake a moeron to his core. But what i saw outside the house of blues was something I never thought I would evaahhhh witness. Many cops and innocent people laid dead after the bloodbath that took place that night. And as I looked at the firey destruction before me I knew I had faced what could be my final battle. Who was this RAGEMASTER 5000? Man? Machine? A bit of both (Allen Aucion)??? I gathered my crew: Pierre, Julia, Andrea, Spun, his new chick Queen of the World, and my asian pear...Resrey. We huddled around the car and I said to them "Brahs, Brahmigas...this is MY fight. You shouldn't go to bridgeport. You should stay in hiding. This thing...whatever it is...is NOTHING to EFF with! It is looking for ME and I couldn't bear to..." Then a gigantic roar came from down the alley way. "AAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" A gigantic gust of wind and dust kicked up and a storm came towards us. Next thing i know I was picked up with a gigantic claw and was carried away, the dust cleared and i looked on what i was riding.."Did someone say bear?" as Robbie looked at me and smiled. He was flanked on either side by Lai and Shelby (who were full grown and effin huge now). "We are taking you to our cave and we will wait for Bridgeport my eternal brahhhhh!!!" And we rode til dawn, up into the mountains, to the cave. There I trained day and night. We smoked deemz, we smoked hubbaz, we rolled our goDAMN titties awf, and we harnessed all the power of the rage. We also learned karate...well braharate really. Its like karate but you use glowsticks instead of numchucks. Anyways...we hid in seclusion...until the day almost arrived...Bridgeport. lets get this review awf wit da shickness!!!

stop the music. now dance. now stop dancing. now continue reading...

It was the morning of the show. I jumped on Robbie the Bears back and we headed out. "I hear Bridgeport is BEAUTIFUL this time of year!" says Robbie. "Well how far is it? I mean...where are we anyway?" I asked. Robbie pulled out a map, "Wellll...macrocosmically speaking...our cave is in Vermont. So we will cut across Massachusetts and into Connecticut. I know the way." We roll up and down the hills until we come across a gorgeous valley somewhere in Mass. There was this amazing crystal blue lake and lucious plants and trees. "This is weird" said Robbie, "I dont remember evah seeing this." We walked down and decided to take a pinky dip in the water. "Its so nice and warm, can we go in dad?" asked Lai. "I dont see why not? lets do it!!" Robbie said. So we all jump in. I am swimming around and splashing water on the bears when i look down and notice something AB-SO-LUTE-LY nutsac! my tourmaline crystal wrap Diana gave me back in the dizzay were glowing like mad and my whole wrap was shaking. The intensity of the light was too much for this custie to handle and i took it off and threw it into the lake.

take off your pants. good. now start this music and continue reading



a whirlwind of water shot up into the sky and our jaws dropped to the seafloor. Then we swam back to shore as these shuper shick waves (a la 9/1/01) came crashing down. We ran up to ground and turned around and saw a robed man...with a pointy hat...it was...some kind of Wizard? He flew over to us and landed before us. "With whom requested the presence of..TEH WIZARD yo?" I looked at the bears. Jesus H. this was messed up! "I uhhh was the brah wearing the wrap dude." "Well delightful! Then you are my new owner! With what can I do for you? I have many magic powers! I can turn rocks into FROGS!! and frogs into ROCKS!" said the Wizard. "Can you turn that rock into Tom Hamilton (no homo)???" i asked. "Unfortunately no...I uhh..mostly can just do simple stuff...like...frogs and such." Teh Wizard said and looked down embarrassed, "FML". "Dude, dont sweat it! We are happy to have you join us. Can you fly us to bridgeport?" I asked. "Oh! Bridgeport! So beautiful this time of year! yes! yes sir! INDEED!" he exclaimed and next thing i know...yep...im flying...again...SHICK!

stop the music. don't look at me like that. now click on this continue reading


We get to the show and hit up lot. home shweet home. All of the training in the cave would now come into play. We all separated and scored everything we could get our hands (paws) on. Teh Wizard stayed close to me. We got shwilly in the lot on tasty brews and balloons. "This is indeed much fun sir!" he said. I could tell he was getting EFFED UP! SHICK! We all met up by a car and started popping, dropping, puffing, stuffing, huffing, snorting, snorkeling, pilfering, boofing, shooting, smoking, toking, soaking, railing, inhaling, blasting, pounding, licking, dipping and sipping. We also took some drugs. zing! The rage was DEEP within. I was prepared to face this robotic killing machine. Or so I thought. We get into the venue. lights go down. boys come on.

First set was str8 fiyah. Confrotation > Orch Theme > Confrotation > Buddah > Low > Commercial Amen > November Rain!!! AHHHH!! We raged Magside. Teh Wizard was shooo faded but was loving every second. "This is indeed the sickest show I have seen in quite some time kind sir! QUITE SOME TIME INDEED!!" Then he started making out with this chick. Then he turned her into a frog. Then he kissed the frog and she turned back to a wookette. Then he banged her in the womens room! SHICKLESTEIN!! Robbie and the bears were throwin it DOWN! just like ol times back at camp. I couldnt help but constantly look around for Ragemaster5000. I knew it was only a matter of time. Why me? What did I effin do to upset a LRG robot? I enjoyed the set as best I could. I yelled at Babar alot and threw my beers on peoples heads, and just RAGED MY FACE AWF!!! Then setbreak. WOO!!!

thats when it happened.

stop the previous music. just do it....ass. now start this music. and lets finish this shit.


The sky outside was RED. I lit a butt. then a laser beam shot from the sky and knocked it out of my mouth. "uh oh" i said. Everyone ran away. I stayed in front of the pillars at the Klein and looked up. Teh Wizard and bears were by my side. A brightly lit robot with nitrous tanks as legs, and covered head to toe in glowsticks, with LED lights as eyes crash landed in the street in front of us. "ABOVETHEDAVE!!! I COME TO YOU FOR ONE REASON. I AM HERE TO DESTROY YOU AND CLAIM THE SPOT AS THE TOP RAGER OF THE BISCUITS FOR ALL ETERNITY. I HAVE TRAINED FOR YEARS TO BE THE GREATEST THING THIS SCENE HAS EVER WITNESSED. MY TIME IS RAPIDLY APPROACHING! I AM SMARTER, QUICKER, AND I CAN SHRED SHOOO MUCH HARDER ON THE GUITAR THAN YOU!!! FEEL MY WRATH!!!" Then the robot shot up a whole bunch of cars and then busted into a ridonkulous dance routine that was far more complex and artistic than any performance i have evahh given at any biscuit show evah. This guy...er...thing...was GOOD. then it started shooting glowsticks out of its hands and had a ONE MAN GLOWSTICK WAR. It was literally shooting them miles into the sky and catching hundreds at a time at lightning speed. "I AM BEYOND ANYTHING YOU HAVE EVAH WITNESSED ATDAVE. MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST KYS!!! I called upon Teh Wizard. "Uh yes ssssssir!" (he was SHWILLED!) I looked him in the eyes and screamed "WIZARD! YOU MUST HELP ME! I CANT TAKE THIS ROBOT! WE WILL ALL DIE TODAY UNLESS...UNLESS YOU CAN DESTROY THAT ROBOTIC ARMOR! THEN WE CAN SEE WHO THIS PUNK BITCH IS! YOU CAN DO IT WIZARD I KNOW YOU CAN!!!" "Oh sir! with with..what..i dont know...i guess i could try." Wizard said. "YOU GOT THIS MANG! JUST WAVE THAT STAFF AND REMOVE THAT ROBOTS PARTS!!! I yelled. Teh Wizard stumbled up to the robot as it was just killing it on the dancefloor (street). Teh Wizard lifted his staff and waved it around and next thing ya know..the robot was paralyzed! Then his arm turned into a frog. Then his other arm! then his legs! It dropped to the floor. Then Its head turned to a frog! "WIZARD! STOP IT! I GOT IT FROM HERE!!" I screamed and we all rolled up to the robot. "Not so tough now huh? HAHAHA! AND FOR THE RECORD HOMEBOY! NOBODY CAN SHRED GUITAR LIKE ATD!!!" i said. Then a noise started coming from inside the robots body. It was something inside trying to get out. It was getting louder and louder. We all backed up and stayed clear. Then something busted out of the body and when the smoke cleared our jaws dropped and we saw...THIS.



"Now THAT be a WIZARD YO!!!" said Teh Wizard and we all picked our jaws up from the ground and then started laughing. "No need to destoy me bud. You officially rage the biscuits harder than I. We are all shuper humbled by your awesomeness brahmigo!!!" I said to him, "Whats your name little guy?" He looked up, pulled out a Flintstones multi-vitamin, boofed it, then said, "JARED...now lets go rage 2nd set."

And we did. The end.

ATD

04/19/09 The Klein Memorial Auditorium, Bridgeport, CT

Set I: Confrontation> Lunar Pursuit> Confrontation, M.E.M.P.H.I.S.> Tricycle> Liquid Handcuffs> We're Not Gonna Take It1

Set II: Jigsaw Earth> Reactor2> Jigsaw Earth, Uber Glue, Mr. Don3> Story Of The World3> I-Man

Encore: Astronomy Domine

1 ending only
2 inverted
3 unfinished